Good evening ladies and gentleman
So a few days ago, as you may or may not know we were talking about respecting yourself and the choices you make, be it the choices of today, or from way back in the day. I wrote a letter to the version of myself i created in 2011, looking at how, if at all, i could change my life, go for the moments that i was too afraid to go for, the opportunities i watched float by. If i were to be given an opportunity at a second chance- would i take it? Would i feel less regret for the things that could have been if i did? Your always going to miss out on something, that’s the point of making a decision.
As much as i have made many mistakes in my life, strewn with opportunities missed, be that in learning about myself or increasing my knowledge of the world, or maybe a lost opportunity of a close connection with someone, a relationship or a love that may have done…something. I can’t really contemplate much on that last idea. Nonetheless, that is a discussion for another day. As much as I feel like, or you feel like you have missed out on something in life, if you changed it, how much more could you have potentially missed?
I have experienced things that were utterly fucking outstanding and met wonderful, powerful people who can make me smile at the drop of a hat, so full of energy and positive wonder for a world that can irritate me so dam much. I love these people just for being in my life, privileged to share in the wonder and joy, the fluidity of the emotions of our outstanding experiences. We are what we are because of the previous choices we have made and the ideas we have had, because i think the choices we make are firmly looking to the future, in the hope doing this will make the present come good.
Writing that letter to myself got me thinking. As much as we look to the future, we can often avoid thinking about the present, limiting our decisions because we don’t fully understand the potential results. So we run from it in a thought process along the lines of “its scary i don’t like it so i’m off.” This is often not something that is consciously decided, more often than not we escape off to out safe place, our comfort zone so naturally in modern society we don’t even realize we’ve done it, only to be welcomed by a wave of calm washing over us, the angst and worry slowly fading away. This i more than just physically leaving a space, an area which we are uncomfortable as it can involve avoiding thinking of a person due to the way they make you feel, or even a conversation topic.
For instance having lunch one time with a dear friend of mine ( who i often think knows me better than i do) we were considering how feelings can affect people, especially feelings for someone. They are particularly unpredictable forces to play with when you don’t understand the nature of them and what they can do to you, if you allow them to. I mentioned an experience of this and all she asked was “we should talk about that.” This is why this she means a lot to me, because i can reply this childishly, along the lines of “no i don’t want to think about that rubbish,” yet i suspect she will get through eventually. May not be today, tomorrow or even a month from now, but its just the way some people can be.
Why do we act this way? Why did i immediately run for cover when faced with a situation that made me uncomfortable? What is with the sudden urge to “escape?” Why in modern society do we feel the urge to build such grand palaces of escapism, where we can find all of those wonderful happy places, where nothing can hurt us, we know what is in every room. We spend so long escaping into our palace, are we missing out on something? Something so outstandingly wonderful and weird, that could have such a brilliant effect on life, if you let it.
Do you escape? If you do- where are you going? Why do you feel the need to run?
Until next time. DR.
PS: General update- Still making the theme changes- so bear with me.
Weirdly relevant music.