Good evening ladies and gentleman
So, business as usual. Writing, working, developing, for something to bring this all to a halt in a recent point of confusion. Recently something was bought to my attention in that a certain someone, who remains as close to a stranger to me as i thought possible, someone i had a brief encounter with during a Christmas “event” or whatever its supposed to be, had developed “interest” in yours truly. I won’t deny, beyond the initial shock of finding this out, the first thing i found myself was a form of disinterest and irritation, for generally how prolific this is “supposed” to be for us in modern society, how its supposed to mean something to want to develop profound connections with others, beyond those we know now.
There are people in my life i would consider connected to in a way I am with few others. My best friends for instance, they are an insanely wonderful, exciting, adventurous, emotionally powerful pairing, whom i love dearly. In a way, these idiots (love you) and I share a connection, in a strangely unique way, as i do with many other people in my life, whom all have a different set of characteristics, are unique in their own brilliant way, as is the differing connections i have with them. So having this, being satisfied with what this has to offer, makes me wander why we would be attracted to the idea of new connections, why it matters at all that people are interested, that she is “Interested,” for could this take away from what i have in my life now, or what i want in the future? Even though its remarkable what people could offer us, me, if they were given the chance to be utterly wonderful as i feel they could be.
So, my mentality being like this, how this “doesn’t happen” to me, this “not wanting” to happen led me to wonder about how the person in question could be looking for an emotional advantage over me, as to make her life easier with the emotional power connections can give us, being used against me (hence the irritation.) It seems through a time of social media friends (some of which you may have not seen in years,) dating apps and how easy it seems to be to have a double life these days that that nothing can be taken at face value these days, a potential interest and development in your life and yourself as a person being treated with huge trepidation for the potential negative impact that it may cause, so seeing the bigger picture and working all the angles, away from whats immediately obvious, often seems the better path, for, in a way, we are better prepared for the inevitable disappointment.
So, this whole “interested” thing was dismissed, for “I am powerful” and sometimes slightly petty in the “screw you for thinking it would be so easy to defeat me.” I remain confused as to why i thought this, for i don’t actually know her. We spend our lives convinced that people will screw us over, take an advantage over us in any way they can for their own means, in both a physical and emotional manner. This is something i have always been aware of, a mantra i have always lived to until more recently. I have always been ignorant that someone may simply want to know you and be a part of your life. Even the person in question my be a genuinely decent person, with intentions only to form a connection with you, me or any of us to have a little pleasure, on any end of the scale. Regardless of what my cynical mind assumes…
Those around the person in question persist in their telling me of her interest, convinced of some form of attraction from her, to yours truly. This, almost blind attraction, faith in something that you don’t know or really understand may be something on this scale, a possible interlocking piece of The Connections Puzzle. Their persistence did stir my curiosity beyond my usual process of dismissing it as nothing, with my concentration heading towards the “blind attraction” problem.
Its almost like we are presenting a certain set of behaviors we may not even notice when around someone we may consider attractive, almost like a “sales pitch” to jump aboard the scale at whatever end it winds up being. What did i do to present like this? Is the initial attraction purely physical in nature? What sort of behavior is she showing to have those around me so convinced that she shows interest in me? This is why i call it blind attraction, for something has occurred and behaviors are forever being interpreted, without any connections and understandings being put together, so we are blind to who someone is and who they want to be, yet we remain attracted to them.
Maybe blind attraction is more about not seeing the bigger picture, in we often find it easier in modern society to be attracted to a single characteristic rather than holding all the cards? Maybe easier is the wrong word, maybe more exciting is better, for knowing the in and outs of someone, being aware of their deepest scars and beautifully positive attributes straight out of the gate is a bit pointless, for surely learning these things is the whole point of connecting with someone on a fundamental level in the first place? To share yourself in such a way you grow and evolve with this person in your life? So through this process, maybe we are being challenged, in a way, by your inner self to live your life in a way that could make you feel outstanding in a world that often feels like we shouldn’t bother trying?
I think I ignore this behaviors, this idea that we are at first blind, for us to see the potential beautiful wonder these behaviors and attraction could make us feel as the connections develop and you evolve, because i fear losing the control i have over my mark on this world. My mind remains clear of the impact i want to have on the world, as you know with the effect I hope one day Thinking Evolution will have. I feel like waiting and being patient with connections could take away from what i want from my life, even though it could be something amazing. Not knowing the results of the game and all the angles for the potential results, make me wander why i would bother playing at all.
The question, overall, is whether we are willing to rise to the challenge? for the results, they could destroy us, tear us through to the very core. Yet, on the flip side, it could be so utterly beautiful.
Its all about what we choose to do, as if we find a way we to think better feeling thoughts, the possibilities of what we are capable of in life, love and everything in between are endless.
(PS: It is of course possible the person in question is not doing anything and i am dramatically overthinking something that isn’t actually happening)
What do you think? Are we attracted blindly to people? How do we behave to show attraction? Does it develop or is it immediate in nature?
Yours, with love as always.
Random motivational picture.