A Painful Beauty

We have a habit, especially in English, to use words that are very powerful and evocative in very simple and minimalist ways, which often means the word can lose its meaning. I have often thought about this idea that we are actually quite dramatic in our use of language these days, in a thankless quest to appear more intelligent, to broaden your vocabulary not for the benefit of yourself, but of everyone else. 

There seems to be this overwhelming need to be clever in modern society, be it amongst peers, in a social circle or throughout the public consciousness. We need to be…more. In particular when it comes to the enigma that is the word “beautiful”

In particular, the idea of “subjective beauty.” Based on my perceptions beauty in society is something quite simple, in how we can walk down the road and perhaps see a woman walk past that gives you some level of desire and then come out with “Dam she’s beautiful” or words to that effect. Nothing more than a passing thought a lot of the time, that moment where you appreciated the physical attributes of a woman and carried on minding your business. 

Its here where inevitably arguments can brew- “I don’t see women as objects i see them as people too.” Don’t mistake what I’m writing here as an attack on you personally, i don’t know you. It’s from this assumption of an attack that makes me sure of this poisonous mentality that it’s wrong in any way to appreciate the physical attributes of a woman, the features you find sexually attractive. Its almost taboo to talk about it and is something we have all done-  thought a woman was sexy so gone up to her in and tried to make conversation.  Not just in that circumstance but this obsession in society these days that attractiveness and connections don’t just come from physical attributes is true, but it’s almost like we should be ignoring them altogether. 

The point is, at no point throughout that last paragraph or so did i use the word beautiful. Beautiful i think is too dramatic of a word to simply understand and desire the physical attributes of a person because it means so much more than any of us understand, especially off of a first or single encounter. Beautiful is a word that cannot be defined or understood, a word like intimate or love. These words as i write them actually mean very little. The problem is encountered where they are used in a “minimal” way. When we use a powerful word to make a minimal point, it can create a powerful reaction like no other.

This reactions brings with it the belief of importance, for we all want to be important to someone. The issue is when this feeling of empowerment and importance comes from a place where it was never intended. And so on. As far as i have witnessed society has given men, women and young adults this idea that if your going to be beautiful you need to be able to do A), B), C) and so on. You carry on this way until you get to the point where you’re not really living your life, enjoying the random moments of total wander and brilliance- because you’re too busy ticking items off a list. Its as if we are all distracted by this fairy tale idea, as men about being a charming prince meeting the perfect princess and as women needing to be the “beautiful” perfect princess. When in the end all you’re doing is checking items of a list you’ve been told are the key to you happiness. A list that a lot of the time never has a bottom. 

So this is where the issue of language comes in. We mistake words like “sexy” or “gorgeous” for words like “wonderful” or most predominantly- “beautiful.” Anybody can be sexy, we can meet a standard set by a certain demographic of people and then you are arguably sexy. Beauty is different, it needs pain. Pain is a power that most of us are familiar with, even if we aren’t aware of the power it has given us. Being beautiful isn’t about a certain lifestyle, having a nice car, or having the physical attributes to meet the standards of your social circle. Beauty is so much more complicated than that. You see someone who is “perfect” and you see someone who hasn’t lived and don’t get me wrong i’m sure they have their rhyme or reason for it- but to me that doesn’t muster feelings of wander and beauty. To be beautiful is a horrible process, painful, brutal and often so very tragic. 

Written in the myths of beauty are words never said, or too much said, tears cried endlessly or not at all. Beauty is wishing we had taken that chance when we didn’t, that fleeting moment where we let fear control us. Beauty is that moment where you decide “fuck it” and do something while your rational mind is screaming “NO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!”  

Beauty is a life lived and a love lost. Beauty is confidence in the face of adversity and in the fear of being lonely. Beauty is looking at that person in the mirror in the morning and being dam sure you are the one to dictate how your day goes, not anyone or anything else.

It’s taking back control, from the past, from anyone and everyone. It’s you being OK with being you, whatever that means.

Thats what makes people beautiful. 

Anybody can be sexy. Thats not actually that difficult. 

Beauty has a pain to it- and that’s what gives beauty its power. 

There’s nothing more important. 

Yours, with love as always

DR x


Kings & Queens

Good afternoon ladies and gentleman

It’s interesting, this new perspective i find myself with. I am learning more than i could have ever expected or hoped through any medium of my life, in being prepared to accept and do everything i can to understand, respect and enjoy the world around me. To live without limits, as best you can in a moment, happy just to be there. The darkness that led me here often felt all encompassing. Yet- here i am.

Its because of this progress i feel I have made within myself, as a man, or even as a human being, i find my wandering about the idea of something or someone being significant in my life and in contrast to ideas or people that are arguably insignificant.

It’s without question a powerful insult and rather unnecessary for me to call any person in my life, past, present or future insignificant. I wish to concentrate on ideas, possessions, or relationships where the significance argument is interesting.

I have been wandering about this modern day idea we have of “Kings and Queens.” We have what seems like a strange fixation to be perfect, to be the ultimate version of ourselves all the time, regardless of whether its in the good times or the bad times, to be the “King” of our world, or perhaps the relationship you find yourself in. It’s not something we have learnt, something more i think we have witnessed in society.

When we are bought up witnessing this dominant warfare that is commonly disguised as a relationship, an argument or even a conversation. It has a powerfully awful capacity to alter how we see the world and in particular see relationships. Look at the damaging effect the ever increasing access and usage of internet porn is having on the lives on a lot of people, dressing sex up as some powerfully dominant based behaviour, creating environments from men and women “we should all aspire to be.” It creates a false standard in sex for women in that men are expectant of the women they are attracted to to walk, talk and perform as they do in porn, along with the intense pressure put on men to perform to this required “ideal.”

This problem i think falls out throughout all of relationships, how if the man doesn’t drive the right car for his “queen” or she doesn’t have the right interest in her job or doesn’t have enough time for her “king” and so on. We seem to have all been born with a difficulty to communicate, out of the fear of what the other person is thinking. Yet, rather ironically, most of the time, the person on the other side of your relationship is so worried about what you’re thinking they aren’t really doing anything. So this fixation on being your “King” or “Queen” ends up clouding the actual connection and chemistry in the relationship. It’s almost as if the ideas or feelings that gave it life in the first place are rather left by the wayside.

Left by the wayside as we all are lulled into the belief we should be sailing away on a golden yacht.

Now, don’t get me wrong, i know every connection and idea everyone makes aren’t all fixated on the aspects of life so seemably insignificant the relationship itself loses all meaning. Lost to the aspects of life that make you seem like the King & Queen of your life to everyone. We are all so fucking obsessed by what other people are thinking, its almost like we aren’t able to have a bad day without it meaning something.

I don’t like this what feels like a relatively new fixation on “Designer Relationships” for then the beauty of the initial connection is lost. I know that love at first sight means very little in how it’s been over used and dumbed down over the years, but if anyone was to meet someone they click with, it could easily be lost as quickly as it was found.

Surely it has the potential to mean so much more, yet we spend so long thinking “thats not what I’m supposed to do,” that he or she doesn’t want that- they want a “Queen” and me to see them as the “King.”

How would we know though? We spend so long listening to the masses of people who believe we know how we should be living our lives, how we should think or feel and even how we should love. The way you are in a relationship, it doesn’t matter who you are or who you are attracted to at any given point, is unique to you- if you choose to listen to yourself.

Thats the main struggle i think. The world is saturated and drowning in this idea that you should be working for this relationship- that you should be waiting for your “Queen” or “King-” and that these kingdoms are always going to appear from nowhere. It’s all so rushed. Look throughout history and you will see no kingdom was built overnight, and not by the ideas of general interest or for the betterment of your financial lifestyle.

So forget finding your King, or your Queen. To me, its just going to lead to disappointment when you realise that the world isn’t anything like we are led to believe. This just makes you cement the beliefs of the world as fact and leads you down a path that you “hope” will bring you happiness, but faith never follows you down the same road.

You just have to keep…pushing. Keep pushing not to find the King or to find your Queen, but to find yourself. When you know who you are, truly know what you want to be and attract into your life, you will start to meet the same sort of people and build your Kingdom that way. There is no time constraints on this, you will just know.

You met as two paupers, but together became rulers of your Kingdom, ruling over your kingdom at the Palace of Darkness.

Beautiful- yet terrifying. Do we have what it takes to break through it all?

I hope so. For all of our sakes.

Yours, with love as always.

DR x