Good evening ladies and gentleman.
Now, something i have found to be causing more and more of a problem for yours truly, especially with the whole celebration of Christmas, the weird week in between and the incoming year of 2017. We find ourselves at this point all either back at school, work, university, all done with the yearly visits and the stress! The stress of buying all the presents, decorating the house, making sure the food is good, everyone is comfortable, and so on.
Still, even though this example is horribly cliche and simplistic in nature, especially these days, we love it. Not the stress (obviously) but how wonderful the end results feel. We feel happy, at peace with family, friends and loved ones as we laugh, enjoying each other’s company with no concern for your world and everything in it away from what is going on right there, in the moment.
This feeling is something i feel resonates across many situations in modern society, not just throughout the end of each year, but when with friends, on holiday, seeing something that bowls you over with its beauty, the brilliance of a good book you can lose yourself in, a drama that you can imagine yourself a part of or a piece of music so powerful it fills you with a feeling so brilliantly unique.
It is an utterly wonderful sensation, even if it is peculiar. Its as if we feel free, from the tedious rubbish that can so often fill our lives, doing all it can to drag us down. Modern society as a whole can feel like such a difficult place to live in, but still these moments find their way through the fog and make us feel…special. I have been obsessed by these moments for years and to this day believe these are the moments that make us who we are, or maybe even more so, who we want to be. Like we are being tested, to see if we have the guts to go for the glory or stay in the familiarity of routine.
Nonetheless, while there is so much good in life if we choose to see it, the brutal normality of life, the “need” to occur in certain behaviors or practices, the job you don’t like, the commute you “deal” with and so on always seem to happen. Maybe its not the behaviors of a sort cause this sour feeling, maybe its the fact they are the same as they were before. Nothing has changed, the same process, the same timings, so no real need to react to…anything. Maybe the routine that drives us forward through the days which so quickly can become weeks and months is playing a part in us feeling so good in these wonderful moments so impactful on our lives- for the reaction they evoke is so much more than any form of routine could?
Question: What happens when the moment passes and the situation that made you feel so utterly outstanding flows through the present and fades into the past? How do we deal with the world we are living in when what made you feel so uniquely outstanding is nothing more than a memory? This switch between feeling so much and moving beyond this feeling is never something i have really ever known how to react to, for it can feel as if a part of you has been lost in that moment. It can feel as if a reality bomb has just covered the walls with the routine that you deemed necessary before as you concentrated on the beauty life was offering you in that moment.
This feeling is, to me, a horribly deflating sensation. Feeling free, away from the “necessary” routine, the mediocre problems that can so often feel much more important than they should be. We work hard towards a moment that feels unique, so capable of making us feel so powerful, down to the harshest of reality checks as “normality” takes hold. The most powerful case, in my experience of the reality bomb was after a holiday a few months ago. For over a week, the sun had shone, the beach had remained beautiful, the food good and the weather so wonderful. It had been almost a break from life in the fact it was an ultimately calming, relaxed experience, in which for this period, things i can sometimes feel haunted by paled into insignificance.
Upon my return from said “time out” of life, i will never forget the sensations that i felt as i walked out of the airport, into the darkness. Climbing into the cab, staring out into the gloomy night as the rain fell and the endless lights of the motorway zipped by. I distinctly remember thinking “well that was nice- but now its over” It was terrible. To tell you the truth, what i was doing is in no way relevant, the feeling of loss was the major thing. It feels like a form of grieving almost, when moments pass. However, the unfortunate reality a lot of the time is when we are weaker from this loss, the reality of the situation, the repetitive, yet comfortably familiar routine surfaces and the majority of the time we continue on with it.
I feel like i cannot be the only one who is good at routine, but can’t help to hate it. I hate having a routine, yet i’m so good at it. I am good at being aware of a situation, knowing how long i have to deal with it before the next section of the day needs to occur. In my experience, routine as a whole can make for an emotionally drained life experience, for the routine is the same, so we always know what will happen. Therefore there is no feeling in it, no joy, sadness, wander. Simply nothing. This “nothing” sensation is something i think we fear, and in a way that makes us hate the nature of the “reality bomb” because every time it happens, we know whats going to happen. We know whats coming, the brilliance of life being slammed back down with what feels like a necessary THUD.
Whats worse, is the fear of the reality bomb and what it can do, can lead to the wander of the moments that make us feel so fucking good being tainted with the fear of the ending, and what comes on the other side.
Really gives a meaning to the “nothing’s sad until its over” idea.
Does the idea of the “reality bomb” resonate with you? What are the sort of moments that make you feel so good, and how do you feel if/when the moments pass and the “necessary” parts of life seem to take precedence again?
Yours, with love as always.
Random motivational picture.