Good evening ladies and gentleman
The more i have pondered over these latest set of ideas and thought processes, i keep coming round to the same idea, the story keeps developing to the same conclusion. There is a pattern emerging, be that in my own behaviour or even the behaviour I’m seeing in others. In many ways, it starts with society and the way it works these days but moreover and much more importantly it’s your personal relationship with both society and yourself that is the key to how true self awareness is born and the potential to be truly happy.
This talk of the drums, the endless puzzles, laying it all out on the table and placing it in such a way that it will be understandable, lost in an idea of hope once you figure out how this one works “maybe you get to feel happy.”
Like it’s a result, it’s a victory born from some endless bloody struggle. Still- I digress…
We all spend so many hours of the day believing we want to be this “happy” or whatever that word means in modern society these days, to the point where we can spend years- decades even of our lives chasing it. This hugely wonderful esoteric- idea. Solve the million dollar puzzle and win the million dollar prize right?
Nice idea…but never something i’ve imagined to be quite so black and white. The problem with this idea at its essence is comfortable familiarity. Risk and reward. People, me at times- recognise their life and their feelings behind the endless everyday. You don’t like your life, but you know your life. The unfamiliar at times can be much scarier than any level of misery clinging onto whatever is left of you- feasting on the scraps. We are suckers for pain, because we know how pain feels. The rawness of pain loses its edge after a while and becomes a friend, a constant companion in a world making people so connected yet so very alone.
So. Imagine if you will a wall. A very tall, very wide wall protruding from deep within you- wrapping multiple times around you and joining back around, making what appears to be an impenetrable fortress. The ultimate defence for you, against you and the rest of the world. This wall is akin to said familiarity. You recognise these walls, their vast height, endless consistency and even their touch. The days are monotonous and the drums so very loud- yet you recognise them and are even thankful they are still there.
Before you lies an obstacle you probably didn’t recognise as an obstacle in truth. We think we want to change our lives, want something honest, something different- something “better.” When in truth we convince ourselves to aspire to this without ever wanting to go anywhere a lot of the time. Change the world and not have to get out of bed to do it etc.
I have spent many a day hoping, lost in a thought or idea that one day i will make my life better, be able to go there, do this, whatever it is. The world has led us to believe that happiness, much like love, is an emotion. Happiness is not an emotion, far from it. Happiness is nothing without something most fear more than anything else. Sacrifice. You have to give a part of yourself away to something, even give part of yourself back to society and build from the relationships you develop from it. You gave something to that partner who broke your heart, that left and they took that part of them with you. It’s not coming back yet you still gladly gave it away at the start. Why? In the pursuit of happiness.
To sacrifice a part of you, a part of your life that is so comforting, so familiar, to walk out onto the plank having no idea whether you will survive or be plunged to the murky depths below. When you are lost in a never ending cycle of comforting familiarity- the cycle is key. You are doing the same thing and feeling the same way and are OK with it, if not masking it in the hope of something more. Question then- how does one break the cycle?
Just do something different. Just something, not everything. Take away the power you give to that haunting fear of comfortable familiarity. Sacrifice your comfort for one small thing. See yourself not just survive…but thrive. When lost in an endless cycle, the only way to break the chain of events is one link at a time.
Sacrifice what you know in pursuit of what you might learn about yourself. Then, in this endless pursuit of happiness, we might just find some along the way.
Yours, with love as always