Hurts like Hell

Good evening ladies and gentleman

So, in times of joy, in times of sadness, misery, happiness and utter glee, however few and far between they often feel in a world that seems almost saturated with emotional excess- what are we doing? What causes us to make the decisions in life? When at that particular junction where the path splits with the potential to change your daily life completely, what makes going left seem so much more appealing than right? Why do we do what we do? Love? Lust? Desire? perhaps we do what we do- because we feel we need to?

All of these rather vague words are meaningless, nothing more than phrases thrown about in love songs like a dance, modern society repeating the same message again and again, somehow convinced that if they fling enough of these far stretched ideas of fantasy, they might stick and hopefully that thing we are told is “happy” might become a part of our lives. This reality of emotional obsession in a rather emotionless world is missing the key figure to explain what we are, who we are and what we we do as without an understanding at least of the emotional context that in a way is the key to emotional “power” and in turn- emotional “powerlessness.”

This emotional context is the key, that fundamental difference between the mindless robots finding their function and occurring is programmed as the acceptable ideas of being people, human beings who have the ability to create unique and wonderful thoughts and feelings that cause adrenaline to surge so high you feel so powerful and in tune with who you want to be, but could also and very easily, hurt like hell.

Emotions are meaningless without thought. Thoughts of your past, present and future. This is why we need the ability to think about all three relatively simultaneously as it gives us the emotional context we crave to be understand how we think. When people sit in there safe space and wish they had someone to love it doesn’t really mean anything- not without context, for to place yourself in a situation where a bond could be shared with someone so strong and interlocking that you are totally vulnerable, but totally trusting of everything about them, for then- while you are experiencing only ten percent of what love can do to/for you. How? For you are giving love a face, a feeling, a flow of thoughts when you are with that person. The addition of context is powerful, for it can make you unpredictable. I’ve said it time and time before, we are constantly working to know it all, to be ahead so we can’t be caught off guard.

This is taking the emotional context out of the situation, and therefore meaning you cannot move any further forward by knowing this information, nor go any further backwards. You in fact remain perfectly still, not knowing or doing anything differently, watching from the river bank as these people who mean so much to you go floating on by, because you were “savvy” enough to jump aboard. This is where context plays its part again, its power so capable of making you so feel and experience so much to that end where you have never felt anything like it. In my experience, emotional context can be hugely shaken with the application of the smallest detail, someone who actually means something to me or a hook being placed in front of me from much higher up the mountain.

This hook, this smudge on the battlefield and key part of the planning documents that have gone missing among the  confusion, fear and anger of losing focus on what made you feel something so unique. Regardless of what created these feelings. Combine all of this and you get quite a remarkable concoction.

A concoction that changes your understanding of what you feel should define you as a person and furthermore what should go forward with you as you choose the path moving forward, making the decisions that you’re unsure to make and jumping for those goals that seem so far out of reach. However, more often than not these feelings of power, the confusing change of context away from this grand vision can be overwhelming, frightening almost. So we revert to type- work to this idea of this “beautiful life” at the top of the mountain Whatever that means to you, me I’ve never really been able to place this vision it changes constantly.

This constantly changing vision, the confusion as the context of life constantly changes is a difficult thing to deal with. The landscape of life is never standing still, which means our abilities to deal with a situation are strained nearly constantly. I’ve been obsessive over the idea that modern society is moving too fast to allow us to be happy just to be there in, part of a moment in the wander of joy. We all have the ability to feel good in the present,  yet for some reason this is often only temporarily. Those dreams you hold so dear, those people who, in their own messed up way, give the meaningless words and emotions of which your understanding comes from reading books and binge watching too many episodes of a particular drama on Netflix are overpowered, to the ideals and dreams we think we are supposed to have, somehow falling away to what we need to do- for this, somehow is the key to a successful and happy life..

To see this context and the powerful emotions it makes you feel in that present moment, regardless of your grand plans for the future is a difficult feeling to explain, yet to me can be a particularly harrowing experience. For the times you have experienced this before, it has always ended, the grander dreams always overpowering life, leaving you bewitched to them and seeing the brilliance of life as nothing more than a distraction. Endings are the biggest problem, for its this feeling, this shift in emotional context that truly hurts like hell..

What do you think? What gives your life meaning and how do certain emotions play a role? How does the context of a situation affect the way you think about it- if at all? Feel free to comment on here or social media what your thinking.

Yours, with love as always


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