Good evening ladies and gentleman.
So here’s an interesting thing. I’ve become quite obsessed with the idea of “attractive.” What does it mean to attracted to someone, what does it mean to sense that someone is attracted to you? I have always found this, even as an idea a remarkable pantheon of twisting turns and dead ends, a house of mirrors forcing you to look at yourself from angles you may never have seen before. Life in itself could be akin to a hall of mirrors, the question of which mirror you choose to look into and what do you see- who do you see?
Moreover than this rather sweeping question, attraction generates something else to manage in this hall of endless mirrors….somebody else. Now you are not alone in the lights and reflections, as another person enters your maze of blockades and distractions. Something else to learn about, but that maze will never look the same to you again.
As that person roams, corner to corner, dead end to dead end, finding their way deeper into the seemingly endless maze, you catch a glimpse of them- in the reflection of a reflection. Confused, your head darts round- trying to see them. You try so hard to keep up, to catch up, yet, again and again you miss them. As this initial attraction grows, as you get to know this person, the desire to find them within these mirrors grows with it too. It’s so easy to fall into that trap of desire to the point where you ignore every reflection, every image and every other person, searching for that “perfection.” If you’re not careful, you end up searching frantically through those mirrors, unable to see anything else.
This is the danger of modern day attraction, because not understanding, confusion and thoughts being dictated by someone or something other than your rational mind can create a smorgasbord of different feelings, more often than not a rage is formed, the idea of not knowing can drive someone to what feels like the edge of madness. The result of this attraction and the subsequent overthinking will make for smashed mirrors to be far from uncommon.
Even as the highly strung moment passes and your mind settles again, all that results from this destruction is cuts on the bottom of your feet as you long for this familiar pain once again- willing to torture yourself for a mere glimpse of joy.
Thats the thing with attraction and with finding out someone is attracted to you. It doesn’t actually mean anything without action. Even if that action is no action at all.
Why did you smash that mirror? You have tried to understand why, or how this person found their way to maze in which you roam, only to be left questioning everything you thought you knew, scaring you to the point where you have smashed the mirror to avoid witnessing that reflection again. Are you smashing the mirror to avoid that person? Like we said, attraction means nothing without action. Maybe you are avoiding your own reflection? The idea of vulnerability is a powerful problem to many millions of people. They would rather smash the halls with a sledgehammer than accept the idea of something or someone mattering to them that is out of their control.
So how does one circumnavigate through this minefield?
“Know thy enemy.”
Those who you allow into your life will all have an impact and to me will be someone you were attracted to in some way. More so than that, if that they will all be an enemy to your comfort. That little world of familiarity, that corner of the maze in which you can recognise that person in the mirror and are furthermore comfortable with what you see (or don’t see.) They may roam your halls for a month, a year, or even for the rest of your days, but having them there will change you, bring about evolution within you, if you allow it.
Furthermore, it is folly to believe this person is an enemy to you, for you are the enemy of you. This is where attraction falls down, in both avenues of feeling attraction and sensing someone is attracted to you. If your beliefs, thoughts and feelings do not allow you to leave that comfy corner of the maze, then you will never find what you’re looking for. These people can motivate you, but the only way out is that first step. Open your eyes and look.
Look in every mirror, every single one. Look at yourself. Hate yourself, cry, bawl, enjoy, question and eventually love. Every mirror is a piece of the puzzle to who you are and the more you look into the more you will understand. It’s not going to be pretty, but it’s going to be worth it. In this endless maze of rights and lefts, in this process of developing yourself, for yourself. You do this and something amazing will happen.
You will be staring into a mirror. As you have done hundreds, if not thousands of times before. As you stand there, looking at yourself, learning and trying to understand the person you are becoming, that person will appear. That person you once chased for all your might, thinking, hoping, yearning to one day catch up to- will appear at your shoulder. You may not know them right now, let alone be attracted to them at this present moment. But as you learn about yourself, you will learn what you find attractive, not just in other people but in yourself.
Learn to compliment yourself. Learn to take compliments. These people are right, because you learned about that in the many lessons you have taken throughout this process. This process of trying to find your way through the maze will end one day. One day the exit will reveal itself.
You were never doing it alone. You had thousands of reflections spurring you on the whole way.
Is it just you in that reflection? Well that. That is up to you.
Yours, with love as always.