Gold Medal Ego

Good evening ladies and gentleman

In the random passages of thought i have, usually lost in some daydream, the most far reaching boredom in which every cell of my body has just had enough of this muscle memory existence or in times where sleep fails me-i’ve noticed that the puzzles i wish to solve come at me in waves, like they are almost themed. I say themed but maybe not as sporadic as i first thought is more appropriate.

What i mean is that, when you feel good, you think about and attract things that makes you feel good- and so on with bad feelings, sad feelings, bored feelings. How does one trust this feeling? How much can you trust yourself to look at something in an open way, without the attention of the ego? Everyone has an ego and everyone likes it being massaged. It’s 2020- an age of social media and people increasingly sharing more and more of their lives over the internet for the world to pretend they care about. So, in a world so apparently vain, how does one trust even their own opinions anymore- let alone anyone else’s around them?

We attract what we think about , but how do we trust that what we are thinking? Is it simply what we believe, or just socially speaking- our minds best guess?

In terms of it being your minds best guess it comes down to one thing- how much freewill do you have? Do we have freedom of choice- to live as we please and to a level that gives us the means to feel happy? or is this a well heeled illusion, like i’ve already said- our minds best guess?

As far as i can tell- the idea of “real,” as far as our own personal universe is concerned, comes down to two fundamental building blocks and the relationship between them.

  • Trust
  • Ego

These 2 supposedly singular ideals are related in their own way, for i believe without understanding the one, the other simply cannot exist. Let me explain…

Take something i said earlier- quite callously in fact about how “its 2020- everyone has an ego” and so on. This is true to a degree, but not something that can be judged and assumed in such a sweeping way. I put it there to see if i could lure out your egoistic demon from just beneath the surface of your consciousness. I am a firm believer we are all plagued by this demon in our own way and this has an affect on our actions and behaviours throughout daily life.

Your ego convinces you that you need to be the best at everything and have the best everything and nothing else will do. Moreover, if someone was to question your status as “top dog” you would need to defend your “territory” because your image being bought into question is tantamount to a threat.

Why? because it’s creating doubt about who you are.

Reality is neutral, it’s our additions, the building blocks of who we are that create the issues and where the questioning of your reality comes from.

In a word- trust.

Trust as an idea has been given a very singular meaning across the generations of recent decades. Given an almost higher meaning, a staircase for someone you care about, someone you are attracted to, someone who means something to you to be placed upon a pedestal. We live in a world of distrust, where in no time at all anyone could find out who you are, where you live and even your mother’s maiden name. We truly do live in the information age, now more than an ever in a time where paranoia and distrust is higher than ever too.

Why? Because people like to know things about other people, as per the ego, to establish mental dominance and defeat this enemy like the boss level of a video game. This isn’t trust, this is ignorance of the obvious, just another way for the ego to take control of your life. Trust is born not from ignorance, but understanding.

Take the information age- its very easy to perceive this idea as a negative, the swathes of personal information pouring into the exponentially growing skies of the internet. It could be argued even as scary, that “nothing is sacred” anymore. We live in a society where information is king. So- why not use this to your advantage and develop that edge over your ego, because then you give yourself the means to quash the thoughts of your ego running around in your head. Learn about what scares you as much as what brings you joy.

Take the breakup. We all have that one, I’m sure as i mention it here you’re having flashbacks to it. Understanding that you enjoyed it while it was good, understand that it ended and understand how you feel. We live in an endless pursuit of avoiding bad feelings for the risk it places upon us according to your ego. But if we took the necessary steps to understand the demon ailing us, got lost in those thoughts and feelings, allowed yourself to feel everything, all the joy, misery, envy pain and sadness there is to feel and trust we will pull through, then maybe we get to grow from it all.

Trust yourself first, and the rest of it will come. Believe in yourself, place yourself on that pedestal before you waste your time worshipping other people. This idealised ignorance is a guaranteed path to bitter disappointment.

Life isn’t boring, you just haven’t found the thing worth doing yet. Things always come at you in themes- its the universe trying to teach you how much good this growth will do for you- no matter how truly awful you feel right now. Listen to it- listen to yourself.

Then maybe you get the gold in the win over your most proficient adversary- yourself.

Yours, with love as always.

D.R x