Ghost of the Present

Dear DR.

I am your present. I am, the very core of who you are right now. You try to live to me and those standards i create for you. You hope for those ultimate, emotionally powerful moments to make you sure in this “living for the moment” business.

Its the idea of hoping that means you remain scared of me, because you don’t know me. There is this thing throughout motivation and inspiration that talks about being “present” and only concentrating on today, the whole “everyday is a blessing” idea. You would love to be able to believe this, but in this modern world you and I couldn’t feel more disconnected.

You try, which is better than what could be said of previous weeks and months and years of this reluctant way of living you have become accustomed to. I lose faith in you because the idea of “being present” seems more about avoiding the mistakes of the past,  this obsession of how to best avoid dealing with the past errors and mistakes, so you can live your life on your terms. This way you can be doing things, being in places and seeing utterly brilliant powerful beautiful people because you choose to, not because its necessary to not deal with the past, or plans steps and steps ahead for the future . We will never have enough time and you are convinced that avoiding the past will give you a much brighter, happier and more positive future.

You persist with this ideology,  through the misery of what the past can dredge up from the darkest recesses of your mind. I often wander whether you like looking into you past, for its ruining your present. I wander if you like being miserable, as if its the only logical conclusion from the catalog that your mistakes up to this point. Do you really think that you were meant to live everyday in a bubble of the past- regardless of how it could make you feel? The past is called the past for the reason, yet you spend so long concentrating on it,  leaving you running the risk of missing the utter brilliance of what is going on in that particular moment. It may only just be a moment, but the long term effects could be profound, regardless of whether we notice or not.

You are not just who you were, you are not just what you hope to be in the future. All we want to do is live for the moments, to run, fly, jump, make love just because you wanted to, not worrying about what might happen, might not happen. This is us working together and living for the best version of today, that moment where you were glad to just be there, not worrying about what is coming or what has come before, to have that energy flowing through you feels utterly unique.

I think we are terrified throughout modern society of “not knowing” if not simply for the fact it leaves us open and vulnerable. This is what i think you struggle with, that living for the moment leaves you eternally in the loop, not knowing how beautifully brilliant the present could be for the fear it could destroy you.  Its surely impossible to know how the present moment will affect our future lives, for simply put, it hasn’t happened yet. Yet you end up doing all you can to do nothing at all, limited by the fear which so often guides you through what life has become. Which seems a shame.

Even if you can’t see it in this particular moment, doing this is destroying you as a person, for you have less and less to show for your days spent doing less and less, for the fear of the results they may produce. No development, no progress, no beautiful moments in life as nothing was created. You limit me with the past, and this terrifies you.

I feel like you have set me free before, let me live through you. I have flown through every inch of your veins as nervous excitement ready and prepped to go and do something unfamiliar to see what we are capable of. Yet you always reign me back in, for the fear that your past could haunt you cripples you. This in its own fucked up way isn’t really living it all, just existing in the same bubble.

Pick your favorite song. Play it 400 times in a row, and more than likely, it will not be your favorite song. The question is are you willing to change the song? for the next sound could be outstanding.

Yours, with love as always.
DR (2/3)

Random motivational picture