Good evening ladies and gentlemen,
Life can often seem very long and death so very far away. Neither of these statements are true, for life is short and death is the last sentence of what feels a remarkably short chapter. As i have grown, as i have evolved- skills of understanding have come with it, to look deeper into something rather than taking it all at face value as i have done before.
Through life we are all able to gain skills in whatever we do. Public speaking, painting, singing, a certain job role in which you have been employed a number of months or years. Whatever it is, the action of doing something repeatedly will in turn lessen the amount of mental pressure applied in order to complete the task. A skill must be maintained in order to stay at this level, hence the continuous need to do whatever “it” is in order to stay at what you believe or have been told is this “competent” skill level.
The development of a skill can be the making or breaking of a person. As you venture out into the world and into society the skills we develop become a part of us and they form a main part of the growth and evolution that allows us to blossom into not just who we are but ultimately who we want to be.
To evolve is to grow continuously, to make mistakes and not just accept what has happened but understand that you did something to upset or hurt someone even. From this mistake you learn how to be a better person, to understand people better, to empathise and create an environment in which you are putting only the best energies out into the world and receiving only the best back.
So what happens when evolution grinds to a halt? When the skills are no longer being developed, simply being…used? You feel left behind almost, left to simply do the same thing you did yesterday, the day before and the day before that? These age old cycles of necessary evil, skills becoming habits, requiring no thought. No skill has ever become a habit in the act of acting out the motions, doing what you are doing simply because there is nothing better to do.
Lockdowns and the COVID 19 pandemic has compounded this problem in recent months, for it’s very easy to become trapped in an idea, defeated by the sound of the never ending drums. The idea of “is this it?” or “surely there has to be something more to me than this?” and so on. Feeling like you aren’t worth any better, through the guise of not really feeling anything at all.
Depression and emotional numbness has been linked to one another for many years and maybe depression plays its part here. The lack of stimulation for life, the creative exhaustion, the habitual skills being used just to survive rather than allowing you to evolve and to thrive. The key to understanding a habit is to understand you may not even realise you are doing it, or the impact it’s having on you.
Right here, right now. Maybe you are sat on the sofa, lying in bed or casually scrolling your phone. You are here, in this moment, with me as you read this. This is the time now, the time that could make or break everything you are and everything you want to be. We all have dreams and so many of us deem them to be ridiculous. We have hopes, desires, interests, curiosities, jealousies and moments where we are green with envy. You want so badly to be living that life, in that moment maybe even with that particular person.
You don’t feel like you can, you think you are not capable, like you aren’t worth it. This is the self preservation part of those habits coming in, the way they infect your mind is to convince you that you are never going to get any better. “You’re doing well,” “Don’t fix what isn’t broken.” The way you feel should correlate directly to the way you live your life. In simple terms if you don’t like your life- find a way to break that habit and overcome it.
Your habits want to break you, to ensure you live in the same old cycles, familiarity and comfort at the helm, adaptability and surprise nothing more than a memory. There is no beauty without risk, no passion without pain, no smile without a few tears. Habits will keep your soul locked in a box and down deep at the bottom of the biggest ocean it can find, purely to ensure their own safety while saying its “for your own good.”
To force a diamond to be created from coal, they must first apply extreme levels of heat. The same could be said for you. The habits you create could easily pigeon hole your life into a mere existence, or you could rise up, through the voices in your head, through the doubts and pains, anxieties and fears. Through all that wishes to break you lies a scene of wondrousness unparalleled to anything you or I have seen before, providing a clarity clearer than any stone could ever be.
You could very easily be broken by habits, your soul locked away after you happily handed it over. I know I’ve been there before and I’m sure some of you have too. But to break the very things that want to hold you down, to hold you back. The actions that limit your growth and deny you the chance to evolve? Every time i write something i feed a skill, an artful skill to me and do all i can to avoid the black hole that habits can become.
For the love of it. It’s the best reason there will ever be. For the love of it.
Yours, with love as always.