Finding your Voice

Good evening ladies and gentleman.

I have an odd recollection of information, in the fact that anything that has provoked any form of emotional reaction seems to exist on the outskirts of my mind, ready and waiting, in case i need to feel them or understand them, should such a situation occur. This can be events or problems that have occurred previously or situations that have come together through numerous different details to create something, almost like a “voice,” a narrative to who i am.

If you are someone who has been appearing for a while to read the random stuff i write about, there was something about insignificance that makes the point that sometimes, we don’t know what we want and more importantly feel like what we want doesn’t matter. This is counterbalanced by a need to be noticed, to have an impact on a world full of people living in their “box” while you take a  huge scary looking axe to yours. Even though on days you think the box is made of steel and its impossible to get out. Could this be where where the issue of mood swings originates from, this constant yo-yo of up and down, not knowing whether you’re coming or going.

In our often tumultuous relationship with the modern world, i feel like Mondays or the ideas behind them are where the idea of “finding your voice” becomes so much more difficult and may help us explain some of the issues we are faced with. I have a deep hatred for Mondays people, or more specifically, the way i and i’m sure a lot of people think about them. It seems that we all live for Friday, for the moment we can go back to being “ourselves” for the weekend, where we go out and see friends, have some food, maybe have a few drinks, go to a club, take a trip, anything. The point us, we feel, in a way, free. I have always been under the impression that we are playing someone during a week, like a character in a play, the person we are “expected” or “assumed” to be like.

So as the weekend progresses, its as if we have our “voice” back, only for Monday to come back round and the problems to occur again. The beginning of the week brings back this character, with the freedom and happiness of the weekend dampened down, that “voice” becoming less relevant to deal with the more mundane aspects of modern life we are convinced are the parts of life that are just “supposed” to happen.

We play a character in an environment where whether we like it or not, all we want is to be heard. I feel like this is a very important aspect of life, to make an impact on your world and the people who are a part of your life, regardless of whether they are your family, lovers, closest friends, or people you don’t even know on the other side of the world. We all have voices, and sometimes a domination of loud people, shouting about their opinions as if they are fact, where money is king and there is “nothing” anybody can do, because this is “just the way it is,” to the point where we dislike the way we live 5 days of the week, living for the weekend and the temporary bout of freedom that comes with it, only to have to return to the production of who you are “supposed” to be the rest of the time.

This seems like an apocalyptic waste of life. There are 7 days in every week, and a lot of the time, we are only interested in 2 of them. We are forever growing old, there is nothing any of us can do about this, yet your “voice” as a premise for who you are remains forever the same, even though we spend a lot of life ignoring it. This can have a profound effect on that “freedom” we long for, as the emotional drain that is an inevitable result from going through the vast majority of a week not feeling anything at all makes us think and sometimes not in a particularly positive way. Yet it becomes familiar, so we start to question our voice and the differences between the way we want to live, and the way to live that would be considered socially “appropriate.”

I feel like through this we lose our identity, the character aspects that make us….us. Many thousands of years ago, evolution was mainly about that, in that it was all about “Survival of the Fittest.” In modern society however the world has become a much more complex animal. We need that voice, to understand it, and often lose it, for the power we have when it comes back to us is profound, this way we not only survive, we strive. The mood swings i feel like we often all experience seem to me a loss of your “voice” when we start to wander about the aspects of our lives that we feel are making an impact, whether we should be trying to be more relevant in certain situations. Yet that low drives us to jump higher, work harder, to figure out what was going wrong, and change it. This in turn, gives us back that voice and the fundamentals of how we think, who and what we want and perhaps most importantly, who we are striving to be.

Maybe mood swings are a necessary part of life? The idea we need the low moment to make the higher moments so much better, to be able to hear that voice, and make that voice heard.

Can we ever find that voice and understand it fully? Are we even supposed to? if we spend so long surviving, stabbing in the dark for something we cannot see and in particular don’t understand, how are we ever going to be able to live our lives- and more importantly thrive in the brilliant powerful way we are all so capable of? Maybe its not that simple, because maybe we all have that voice locked up within us- all we have to do is let it out.

What do you think? Do you know your voice? How do you wish to have an impact and make your mark? Do you know what you are, who you are? Or is it something that remains hidden- even from you?

This one is quite complex, i must admit.


Yours, with love as always.

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