Attempted Acceptance

God evening ladies and gentleman

I have found myself in an almost remarkable state of perpetual motion recently,  feeling like I’ve lost something by standing still. Its as if I’ve been driving through life,  as the wheels spin, the engine is revving louder and louder for you to only spray mud all over your car and not go anywhere. I wander if this is the result of the recent beleaguered and complex thought processes and maybe even overthinking, but this thought of “living forever” and doing all you can to make your mark on the world in the short time you have here made me realize how easy it is to feel small, to feel almost insignificant.

The problem is, when something like this takes residence in your mind, it seeps into everything. All your grand plans, the dreams that you long for and the desires you yearn for. Still, to me, this thought,  this feeling, happens for a reason, through a mood, an idea, a process or a behavior. Its all adding up to something. Its building up, higher and higher into the skies of your mind. Whether you notice it or not, whether its something you do consciously or in the shadows of the mediocrity in your everyday life, you, your life, or someone, is trying to tell you something.

However, this is easier said than really understood, for in modern society we can be very stubborn, even against ourselves. You could ignore this for so long, it could eventually mean you end up “accepting” your situation, even though what you desire couldn’t be further from the life you have resigned yourself to.

But even then, i don’t think this is really “acceptance.” To get to that point in your life when you can see no other way, when the choices have “dried up” and your path is limited to this tiny alleyway, this is not accepting your fate. This is giving up trying, this is losing hope you will ever move forward as you let go of what remains of your drive and accept what you feel is inevitable. As things build up, as we feel things more and more powerfully, as you emotionally respond to thoughts and feelings in a way you never normally would, every part of you is screaming to get your attention, to help you feel good, to feel better in a time you don’t know what’s happening anymore. The question is- should you listen? should i listen?

What are we trying to tell ourselves though? I choose to believe we are trying to understand that what’s happening in our lives, be in relation to people, to our hopes and dreams or the situation you currently find yourself in. Through all this we feel, that a change needs to happen, be it in your life, or in your mind,  because judging by the way you feel something needs to happen. From an emotionless perspective, to have someone,  something in your life that you don’t like, or are scared of, you would simply remove it, like cutting away the mold from your bread or deleting a number from your phone.

Sounds simple, but its anything but simple. The result of not doing anything can lead to you feeling like there’s no point in doing anything, as you lie in bed first thing in the morning waiting for the alarm to go off, wandering how you might achieve anything today, not expecting anything more or less than yesterday or the day before that.

We all want that little victory. The only way we are ever going to do this though, when it feels like there is no other way, is through accepting a change is coming, and welcoming it the best way you can.

Take the example of people. I figured out the other day, for all of the time i spend distant and thinking about all sorts of topics, something remarkably simple, and quite beautiful. You have friends, they come, they go and that is that. To be close to someone though, especially these days, is rare. Rarer still is when you realize that for all someone means to you, to understand that you mean something in whatever capacity to someone who means so much to you, is all the more powerful, because it creates a connection.

The key to it all seems to be, not wanting to accept what we know to be true. Its like we don’t want to accept a truth we know is real and could make us feel so much more than good, so fucking brilliant if we were to just try to accept it for just being outstanding. For if you do this, if you allow yourself that moment, that moment of fleeting clarity that means you feel a certain beautiful moment, or the change you want to bring about in your lifestyle, or more generally an evolution you want to bring out in yourselves. If we do this, the results could be truly revolutionary.

Its the battle you have, as I do within myself everyday, as it builds and builds to the point you can’t ignore the wave of change coming into your life, be it good or bad. The choices become much clearer in this compulsive state of mind.  We can’t keep sitting still, the tiredness you are experiencing is driving you only in faster circles as your mind is trying to tell you something, that you need to take action, for the good of your life and the dreams you work towards. Its always going to be a choice though, to stand in what seems like an endless revolving door without an exit or try to take action, to at least attempting to accept change is happening.

The alternative, this (attempted) acceptance is, to me, so important for the evolution of each of us through life, for  if we at least give this change, this person and this knowledge of life a chance, it could show you all the joy and beauty life could bring, as you live you life in such as way that the beautifully present moments and experiences would make for so much more than you could ever imagine while being sat spinning in the mud.

This fight is the good fight, for it takes you onto that next, much scarier level. To accept something, no matter how much you know it to be true, constitutes it being important and that it matters to you. This is a precious thing not to be messed with or thrown around, for it could destroy everything you are very easily if it wanted to, leaving you lower and falling further than you could ever understand. It terrifies us, to allow people, ideas or experiences to matter i think. To accept something, someone feeling something for you, feeling something for them, a change in your lifestyle, way of thinking, your job, the people in your life, anything. You were always capable of doing this, for as you have become heightened emotionally and physically to everything you experience, your trying to tell yourself to let go and accept whats happening for what it is, as we accept that change is happening and this, while scary, is you living your life.

If we can accept a change, if we can accept something we already know, its almost like a relief, a huge weight off your shoulders. Its like your mind no longer needs to shout, for you’ve started listening.

What do you think of acceptance? Is there something you should accept? What is the difference between accepting a situation, and accepting something you already know?

Yours, with love as always