Month: March 2022

Good evening ladies and gentleman.

Across lockdowns and through the previous winter, i think we all found ourselves watching a lot more television. Binge watching these shows for hours on end, something to do on a day when there really wasn’t a lot to do. One episode became two, two rapidly became 5 and you ended up sat there wandering what happened to the day.

Episodes. Generally around 60 minutes, not long enough to lose your attention but long enough to keep you invested in this character, giving a mere snapshot into what is illustrated as nothing more than a few hours or days of their lives. As one episode becomes the next, the situation has changed, where they are, what they are doing, what they are wearing, even the time of day. The same, but different.

This is the natural progression of the show. The episodes could become seasons if well received and progression can become infinitely more vast than a few hours, movies, theatre productions- the sky is the limit when a show gains popularity. What if there was a reason they were like that- why does it feel so familiar?

Because i think we as humans need this structure. Not routine and not defined by any specific length, the need for natural progression is forever rooted deep into your psyche, this need to evolve- to grow.

It may not be quick, the movement could be impossibly minute, but consistent progression, forwards or backwards is more important than many of us understand. We need to evolve. But how? When you have that daily sensation of being stuck, not seeing a way through the darkness, the walls closing in, not knowing if you’ll ever stand straight again. Dreams in a cage, a play thing for the voices in your head, fed morsels with the intention of keeping them alive, but never letting them fly.

It can feel like some people are holding your leash, stopping you become that person you imagine yourself being. There are people that want you to feel like you should toe the line, do as your told, their experience of life trumps yours, so its important to follow in their footsteps.

So maybe that’s what you did. You followed in behind them, stuck at something, maybe a relationship you weren’t sure you should be in, maybe its a job that you feel nothing for. The hobby you wish you’d got round to gathering dust in the corner, as you sit in the comfy chair in front of your TV with your favourite show on barely able to keep your eyes open.

Alarm next day… same thing, different day.

Then the next day….and the next day.

You catch yourself half asleep in a planning meeting staring out into the dappled sunlight bouncing off the car you own a third of as you earn the money for the privilege of driving to work and sitting in these interesting meetings, tie a little too tight drinking your 7th coffee of the day in an attempt just to keep your systems from crashing.

Out of nowhere you hear the squeak of the handle and in bowls the manager, prepared and ready for the presentation. Your back, and realise that a year, 2 years, or even 5 years has passed. These thoughts are powerful, because we all think we are going to have time. There’s always time to get there- “it will be fine.”

Hard thing to accept that- when the very belief that drove you sort of disappears into the depths below, unimaginable that it will ever return. You feel it deep in your very soul, as if you’ve squandered these years, thought of the teen with all those dreams and almost left embarrassed at what had resulted. Not necessarily that you hadn’t reached the heights that you imagined you would when you were 15- but surely there was more to it than this…

Where does this come from? Because the way we’ve been living, not progressing, not finding opportunities to grow and evolve, not making a mess of things, fall backwards, cry spectacularly and laugh beautifully is going against your natural needs as a human being. I’ve said this before but life is made up of events- of episodes. You go through one episode, the screen goes to black and the credits roll just in time for the next one to start. Life could be described this way, from the opening scene of the pilot to the last fade of the last show in the last season. Its very easy and often difficult to notice when you are stuck in the same episode. You’re not watching anymore, not really. The familiar pictures and sounds a comfort but not offering that part of you any sustenance, not offering one of those moments where you’re truly in that moment because it’s the only place in the world you want to be.

Why? Because you know it all and have seen it all before. It’s going through the motions and the end of it is a near impossible idea, confusing to even consider for you’re doing what “needs to be done.” You need so much more than you think, this thing we have all developed where we can hang on by a thread and “boss it out” like it’s nothing, when it clearly is continues to confuse. “Hanging on” in all its powerful hypocrisy, isn’t taking anyone, anywhere.

Life is a road, those roads are made of episodes, those moments flashbulbs of wander, of pain, of beauty, of lust, love and everything in between. They make you see the world slightly differently, learn of your mistakes and how to be better. They illustrate who you were and who you’ve become, and tell you never to lie down and take what feels like punishment because its the “right thing to do.”

The world will tell you knowledge is king, that experience is the only way to succeed at being a human being in 2022. I say that what works for them may not work for you, I say nobody has the right to tell you anything in life is the “wrong way” because it didn’t work for them.

You are unique and with that the path you find yourself on and your natural progression is ultimately down to you. Your choices, your actions, how you react to the world ultimately helps you construct your world. People can be experts in whatever they want but it comes down to you. Do the job that helps you not be broke, but know where you’re going with it. Talk to your partner and find that spark again, if something is missing- go looking for it together. Climb to the top of the mountain and survey your world and then go find a new mountain and do it all again. Each episode is different, with characters and context- but the main character is pulling the strings.

You are the conductor of your own life, the main character in your show. Don’t let the world or anybody in it, define how you feel about anything, or anyone. They don’t deserve that privilege, especially when it could be used against you, bent to their warped ideal. Don’t skip the steps you think you can’t handle, for here is where you will learn the most.

And progress constantly, hoping, working continuously to make yesterday proud. In whatever small way you can.

To Natural Progression and a Thinking Evolution.

Regards, with love as always.

D.R x

Good evening ladies and gentleman

When things start, you believe they will last forever. When you make a decision, you think it’s the right one. When you cry, you think you will never feel good again and when happy, any whim of sadness you felt is a distant memory. To fail, or to succeed, the simple act of doing is incredibly powerful and the thought of such an act is incredibly compelling and equally terrifying.

It comes down to things changing and how we handle not knowing, instead left with what you believe, be it in a person or in yourself. When you hang it out there, when you throw that dice down the craps table, when you take that leap of faith, it has a degree of just that- faith. You have to have faith in yourself in order to achieve anything. It’s that same faith in yourself that brings people into your life, those you choose to trust, to care about, to love. They are only there- because you allow them to be there. The energy they bring into your life, their hopes and dreams, their desires- it becomes a part of you. Then together you strive for each other to grow to heights previously seen as impossible.

I say this is the case, but I know only in a hopeful world, in the Palace of Darkness i have crafted within my mind is this idea absolute. I am a big campaigner for living hopefully, but the world being the world, it’s a lot easier said than done. Life has gotten so noisy now, its hard to know where it ends and you begin.

The thing is, I think people are scared. Scared of what? Scared of everything, often even of their own reflection. What they don’t understand, what they do understand, what they feel, what they daren’t risk to lose. So what does one do- when one doesn’t know what to do?

Wrestle with it, with yourself, with the person, with the thoughts inside their head, in your head. Our mental health as a nation, as a species is so powerfully complex no single model or theory can logically explain it, not Freud, Wundt or Skinner- not completely. In this desperate wrestle for control, we can lose so much, not just the delicate balance we have been trying to maintain for so long, to keep face with how strong we are.

A last ditch attempt to desperately wrestle back control. Control is king, we have all heard and its the only way to win. Because in the end, its all about winning right?

Look at the belief, the power of the positivity coursing through your veins when you first decided to believe, to have faith. Day by day, week by week and month by month, it all starts to wear you down, make you question yourself. Doing something against your status quo does that, makes you think you’re crazy. You fight it, convinced your OK, that it’s all in hand. How, when wrestling for control- does everything feel so out of control?

Why? Because the last leap made you land on your face and the dice came up snake eyes. The cheers died down, the men in tuxedos, the women in beautiful long dresses moved away, the chips down the hole, never to be seen again. There you are, left, alone, stood at a table with some numbers on, feeling champion of the world to just another nobody with the roll of a dice.

As you lie there, puffy cheeked and tear stained, faith gone, exhausted at the sheer bloody struggle it has become to just carry on, you wander why you ever started, wander why you didn’t just sit in the cave, for the faith that lifted you up has dragged you so far down its impossible to know whether you will ever be up again. Face against the floor, not wanting to get up.

Thing is right. It may not seem like it now, not tomorrow, next week or even next month. This darkness you find enveloping you, filling your lungs, the pain making it difficult to breathe, killing the belief in you and in the people around you. You wish you’d never met anyone, just stayed home in bed, pretending the world doesn’t exist. Do that for a while, absolutely, Be down for a while, be impossibly sad.

Be so sad you don’t know what to do with yourself. Be with it and feel every second of it. Let the pain of it course through you as that positivity once did. But remember, as your faith did:-

Everything Ends.

That way your feeling, that nobody understands, that feeling that has you so far out to sea that the land is nothing more than a speck on the horizon, will end. You will find your way back, the sea will be there for you and will blow you back to shore. Ride the waves, there are people who will always love you and always support you. Your friends are the most powerfully brilliant people in your life, those there for you in hard times are the ones you should hold on to- they are wonderful.

Let yourself process this pain, never ignore it. Be patient, your friends aren’t going anywhere. Your faith is lost but it’s not gone forever. Then one day, without realising it, you will remember who you are.

The same- but different.

And although impossible to imagine right now- all that pain, that misery, the losing of yourself, blaming yourself for all this pain, the feeling of not being good enough, of being told you are wrong, you feel the wrong things, you are never going to find anyone else like me, you will be alone forever.

This person, once brilliant person you gave so much of yourself to. You will see what they took from you, and realise how much you went through to get it back.

Then you will finally realise, when all is said and done-

It was a Blessing in Disguise- it gave you your power back.

Yours, with love as always.
D.R x

Good evening ladies and gentleman

What is shame? What is that thought in the back of your head…the feeling that has you running your hand through you hair, wandering what the hell you did that for. What is it to hate what you feel, to hate as if you lost a grip on yourself, brokedown and cried yourself to sleep? What is to feel guilty simply about feeling?

Conversation with a friend, something she said in passing about how when she tries to explain how she feels she cries. Purely in passing, not meaning anything more or less than that. The way she spoke was as if crying was almost a sign you are losing control, that you can’t get your words out so will express yourself this way instead. The emphasis on the “emotional control” we are trying so hard to maintain as you firefight the shadows of your insecurities in secret, away from prying eyes.

Why has crying developed this stigma? Social situations and a basic understanding of social behaviours tells us crying is strictly related to the extremities of emotion, usually in a powerfully negative sense. You must be crying about something bad that happened, something has made you feel sad, bad, lonely or lost and crying is nothing more than an unfortunate result of feeling this pang of negativity lodged just behind your heart.

Crying is seen as a problem, or perhaps more the result of a problem. The natural reaction to seeing a person crying is one of two avenues- to avoid them, or console them.

This is the issue i have and where in my opinion this “shame” issue comes in. More on a individual level and to my understanding, we as a nation hate to cry, for it shows we are “weak” and incapable of dealing with the problems, however big or small life is throwing at us. It makes you feel like a problem, or feel like you can’t handle your problems.

This attitude to emotional overload makes for the belief you need help and someone who takes that problem away, even temporarily.

Crying isn’t shameful, I don’t think many people understand the true nature of crying, for that person is not looking for help to solve their problem, not even temporarily. In that moment, that person isn’t doing anything, they are lost at sea, doing all they can to keep their head above water and to avoid the salty depths of whatever emotion is trying to drag them under.

People don’t cry because of anybody, as much as it’s a difficult idea to imagine. We cry as humans to help handle our problems. That gas tap in the top of your head, all that pressure, pain, confusion, sadness and frustration is making it impossible to think clearly, this pent up feeling, that sensation that has you running your hands through your hair. It’s you, working to power through whatever is trying to beat you, to defeat you, leave you down for the count.

Crying is a valve, to release the pressure. When you find that strength to bring yourself back, to wipe your eyes and keep it moving, think of how clear headed you feel, how a wave of clarity has passed through your once clustered mind- leaving you so much more ready to take it down and level up.

Moreover than that, if someone trusts and believes in your friendship to the point where they’re OK crying around you, understand you are in a particularly privileged position. The reason they’re crying isn’t relevant at this second, you’ll get there. As of now, as their friend, your job is simple- to be there for them in that moment. Life is made up of moments and right now there is a chance you can do something powerfully wonderful for someone you care about. But what to do?

Simple.

Go up to them, look them in the eyes and embrace them. Hug them- hold them tight. Squeeze that person and feel them squeeze you back. Numerous studies have suggested a massive dose of the pleasure hormone oxytocin is produced when hugged m=by someone you care about. Think of the emotional pressure cooker that person feels like and how that moment of safety, moment of comfort could help stem the flames, force back the shadows trying to swallow them whole.

We have fallen into this trap today that problem solving is the key to development. “if i do this- this will happen…” and so on. The world and the relationships we build are not based on a logic equation, they cannot be explained. It requires us to be present in the moment, ready to be there for someone and for as long as it takes, until the tears stop rolling down their cheeks and they emerge through the other side.

You! With the puffy cheeks and bleary eyes. You with the mark on your shoulder from where their tears dried on your shirt. It is not and will never be a display of weakness, never weakness. The weakness comes from not crying at all, for the only emotion you should never show is no emotion at all.

Wear it as a badge of honour. And be so dam proud.

Own it, and rise above.

Yours, with love as always.

D.R x