Tired

Good evening ladies and gentleman

So, all this talk of the omicron variant of COVID spreading through central Europe and now the country is stirring once again as another lockdown looms. Now i’m not one for politicising what i write, satire is best left to the comedians and not something i wish to throw my hat into the ring on. What i found more interesting is the symptoms of the new variant. The list of ailments that if you have them together, the likely scenario being that Omicron COVID wreaking havoc within you as the bodily defences go to war once again.

There were the usual things. Night sweats, sore throat- the sort of thing that would make you genuinely feel and think you were unwell. More interesting were the next two, headache and tiredness.

Tiredness… (symptoms can vary slightly this is just from my research)

So now if you didn’t get enough sleep you have a symptom of COVID. It made me think how i am tired almost constantly, trying to get enough sun in this bleak midwinter as you try and eat at least one of your five a day while trying to drink enough water and never getting there. Then as you work to get through the day doing without even seeing the sun through a window, let alone a moment to yourself you wander. You wander why you carry on, or even how, without getting stressed and worked up over something that you cannot control.

COVID is making you tired. What i think is that it’s a lot simpler than that. Life is more tiring than ever, in a world of noise, so much going on, constant and persistent stimulus being poured onto the surface of your consciousness at a near constant rate, it surprising we keep up at all.

Control is king. I’ve always believed that. Control everything and no outcome can curveball you to the strikeout you believed impossible. I feel like we have been bought up as a collective to believe we are supposed to control everything, because everything outside of your life seems so out of control. This constant overthinking, the persistent overstimulation of every synapse in your brain constantly trying to understand and overcome everything while trying to run your life, avoid misery, drink enough water, eat healthy and get your exercise in.

“Stuff to do” can very easily slip slide down the mountain to a “lot to do.” From that a lot to do becomes too much to do.

This is where tired comes in. Trying to do everything at once- it gets so overwhelming, ironically when you’re out here trying to make so much happen at once as it kills you mentally, it means you’re getting less done. All this control, but no result. From this you start wandering why it’s not happening, so you rest less, work more, pile it on more, less fun, see less people. Resulting in a run down one path to burnout.

You remember when you were a kid you see them clowns spinning plates? They would do 4 or 5 and blow your child like mind away at the feat of magnificence in front of you. Astounded by 4 plates and here you are trying to keep 20 spinning at the same time. No wander you’re so tired.

So. Control is king, but what you’re trying to control is the issue. It took me years to figure this out but you then realise how much you are capable of. It’s not about controlling what happens- its about how you react to it.

You choose how you deal with your life. One of the most important things to remember is that life- in all of its connections- is a one player game. You remember that your feelings and your decisions are yours. Everything you do is your choice and yours alone. Its not about controlling everything, it’s about how you react to things you didn’t expect. Understand you can’t change everything and can control even less. The world is happening around you right now, whether you’re lying in bed reading this or stood at the top of a mountain. Your friends are doing stuff other than hanging out with you, some people love you, some can’t stand the sight of you and others have no idea you even exist.

And you know what? None of it matters. Not unless you want it to.

When you put your emotional energies towards things and beings that make you feel good and will be able to offer that same energy in return, you will find yourself getting less tired. You’ll spend less time tossing and turning, more time resting. I honestly believe we have to conserve emotional energy and give it to what can bring you joy. Focus on what can provide you something positive, because focusing on everything is just making you so, so tired.

It isn’t a life if you’re too bleary eyed to enjoy it.

with love, as always.
D.R x

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