So. Here’s the thing. We, as humans, perceive time as a linear construct. We believe the passage of time started at yesterday, moved through to today and will move onto tomorrow. We live our lives in the belief that this pattern is continuous, looking back at the endless list of yesterdays wishing that today had that comfortable familiarity, hoping the finite number of tomorrows can bring some level of joy the memories of the past can bring.
Throughout this cycle there is one, all be it, rather open ended factor intertwined through every aspect of our lives- sometimes for much more negative reasons than positive. People. We as a species are growing in number faster than we can find somewhere to live. The key to understanding who you are becoming revolves around a number of factors, be it emotional context, how you feel and perhaps more powerfully in this uber-connected society in our interactions with people.
What i have come to find, in this way that i have been thinking for many years, is that people are so much more than a presentation of a moment- or perhaps more appropriately a collection of moments, often the most powerful meaningful feelings or sensations all tied together into what essentially becomes a connection. A friendship, a relationship, In whatever way, some form of profound connection to another human being.
Connections, profound or meaningless, are not necessarily based on how long you have known someone, or whether you still see someone. These moments, where time is lost and you feel truly in that moment is where these connections are born. I have a notorious obsession with solitude, in that i sometimes wander about how much time i spend alone. I wander in my weaker moments if i am lonely. These thoughts pass, my sleep deprived state trying to hold me down to a memory, hold me to how “well i was doing- now you’re ruining it with thoughts like this.”
Even in your darkest moments, connections are always there. Talk to your friends, talk to your partners. Just talk to someone, not even about your greatest loves, or fears if you don’t want to. Lose yourself in connections, because what you lose to the universe could come back to you in such an outstanding way. I once believed life was about these moments, the days that make your hair stand on the back of your neck, the moments you can’t seem to forget no matter how hard you might try, even if you’re not sure who you would be without them.
The moments of bewildering beauty have their roles to play, but the more i learn about life, the more i learn it’s not that simple, nor should it be. The connections are scary, painful, sometimes impossible. In those moments, throughout that connection there will be things you want to forget, the moments in time the anxiety at even the idea of the memory could be so great you just want to scream. Then catch your breath and scream again.
Yet, we persist. We go as far as to convince ourselves we hate that person, we hate ourselves for forging that connection in the first place or just generally flinch at the mere image or fleeting memory of someone. These people have probably moved so far on with their lives you may not even be a memory anymore, but we still persist in the hate filled joy these memories bring. Yes, its scary- yes it creates anxiety you may never feel like that again and for sure there is no way of knowing either way.
So we just exist in this endless loop, almost with the universe offering us endless opportunities to break the cycle, your subconscious mind openly giving you every opportunity to move through this deadlock. We can’t though, not like that. The fear has you like a caged animal, the familiarity of the four walls a welcome site in comparison to the unknown of the futures outside our realm.
All it takes is one decision. Through the nerves, the pain, the curiosity and mind blowing beauty. Make a decision that you would never normally make. Do the exact opposite, something your past would never be able to predict. I’m not going to say you shouldn’t feel this way or that, i learnt a long time ago the only thing you shouldn’t feel is nothing.
Your universe is always giving you options to evolve and develop. I’m not saying all the changes are going to be good or happy changes, but this doesn’t mean they shouldn’t happen. Make that first decision, then work towards the next one. Then do as you feel you should- follow your instinct.
Theres an old rather lackadaisical idea that I’m supposed to say here and thats “follow your heart.”
Don’t do that.
Your heart is an old romantic fool thats been deluded by media and endless fairy tales that the world revolves around happy endings- it doesn’t. But to carry on this over hyped and over used metaphor in how you should ignore your head and follow your heart- i’ve never understood that either. Your instinct comes from your gut and thats what will always have your back. Instincts are within the first three seconds of a thought passing into your periphery. When it comes to connections, i truly believe that they are the most important three seconds that we rarely give any attention too.
Listen to yourself and be open to all life has to offer. So maybe you were with someone, or maybe you had a friend. You cherish those memories and at the time you were convinced it couldn’t get any better. How do you know? Tomorrow doesn’t even exist yet, so the connections you forge tomorrow could be evolutionary and create something you wouldn’t even imagine possible.
Your universe puts people into your life for a reason, and takes them away for a reason to. It doesn’t matter whether you know someone for 2 weeks or 2 years, but you learn something from every connection you make- as its your universe showing you what you are building when you look in the reflection every morning.
People and connections are in your life for way more than any of us understand at the present moment. Just wait for it. Be patient, be confident and be open to everything in your life. All it takes is one decision and one moment to realise how important every connection you have ever made has been in your life, regardless whether you still maintain that connection.
The universe is giving you the stepping stones to live your life and openly and as freely as we can. Its up to us which path we choose. It’s up to us whether we walk down a path at all.
The universe will always try to show you. All its asking is for you to listen.
Yours, with love as always