Good evening ladies and gentleman
This is something i have struggled with for well, years now and somehow writing it down seems like something that could be beneficial.
After recently finding a new show called Mr. Robot i was willed to write this, with the main character seeming to suffer from such anxiety and loneliness, where he spends more time looking at people’s online lives and personalities, somehow seeming to hope it will allow him to have some form of human connection if he can connect the dots. This is something i think people can relate to, i know i can.
We work so hard to be friendly, approachable and liked by all our friends, even to the point of limiting our opinions, morals and beliefs in order to maintain this comfortable people circle. However its interesting sometimes, because as hard as we try to be around people, to be liked by them, to be with them and be a part of their lives, in the hope we don’t have to be alone, that this can then lead to us feeling more alone, almost as if we are disconnected from the world?
Its odd, and can almost feel like a form of hypocrisy. I have a terrible paranoia about being hypocritical, because i am so aware of how emotions and belief, be it in an idea or person, can affect your ability to think clearly. Whether this is a good or bad thing, it has an effect. The “rose tinted spectacles” effect. However its hard for this to feel like it can go on forever, because it always seem to come crashing down and what we are forced to consider as “reality” prevails. I suppose in some way it can feel like despair, anxious like we are missing something, or someone, missing out on something that could make us feel good, or missing something that would allow us to avoid feeling bad?
We all try so hard in life, to be positive, to be happy, to make an active choice to choose the think better feeling thoughts, yet somehow i just sort of…can’t sometimes. I sit there, miserable and unsettled by my life, thinking things aren’t worth the effort, why i am bothering doing anything because it wont work, so worried i wont have the impact i want on the world, worried that i wont matter now and the work i have done wont have been worth it when its my day to shuffle off.
This is what creates the “not feeling it” feeling. It obviously occurs in different levels of severity, but the point remains. We are obsessed about being good, about doing something constantly, worrying about what we are doing, will it matter, will it work, will it have the desired effect on my life and more importantly, possibly more than all of these other things, will i feel good if i have or do this thing? You feel like you need something, all the time, a person, a thing, whatever. The point is you feel less of yourself without it, a feeling, a desire or even a hope. Weirdly enough though this isn’t a permanent thing, it can last for a few hours, a day or even a week. Yet somehow we can always bring ourselves back, find that motivation again.
As much of the world that might be annoying, that is something so spectacularly wonderful about people.
Why do we do this though? How does this happen?
How do we go about dealing with it?
Choose to think better feeling thoughts and be a part of the Thinking Evolution.
Random motivation picture.