Good evening ladies and gentleman
As a society- it is believed we are the greatest evolution of the world’s most superior species. We are better than we always have been for we know more, can offer more and and do more now than ever before. Reports have stated that most people will live past 100 and it’s possible that soon 150 won’t be unreasonable. Life is extending more and more as we strive to reach heights previously unimaginable to those that came before us. We run harder and faster than we ever have before, in all walks of life.
I can’t help but be curious about what is lost as a result of this new found longevity. Evolution and everything that comes with it is inevitable, be it in technology, in sociology or just in general human development. The people coming out of high school would be unrecognisable to your 16 year old self. So what happens in a world with technology just getting into its stride- running life via a hard drive and software as the human being becomes nothing more than a customer.
Good thing or bad, i look not to rant about the questionable effect of technology, for all the negatives i could go on about are equally weighed by positives.
What i wander about is something that cannot be touched, understood or defined. I wandered for many years if it even existed, consumed by an idea that if it cannot be understood, then surely it couldn’t be experienced. I do not wish to define love, for it is impossible. I have pursued some form of tangible explanation for those 3 words for years, to accept, simply enough- it cannot be explained or understood.
Margaret Hungerford is quoted as saying that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and maybe this is the same for love. Beauty cannot be defined, no matter what the idealisation of physical attractiveness across the world will tell you, for it is unique. A person can see themselves as beautiful, someone else can see them as beautiful and others may not agree. The same with love, but most importantly it comes from within you.
Love cannot be felt or be truly experienced without loving yourself – this is the only way to truly live in Post Love. It is complex, but defining the subject of love is impossible, so perhaps what it does to someone can be explored more. What does it do to you when you first to accept you love someone- what comes after that?
The proclamation of accepting you love someone, even if you are unable to understand the psychological complexities of how is a rather emotional experience, for it means that someone has a more powerful impact on you than you could have ever anticipated. It cannot be ignored and you cannot pretend that it doesn’t exist.
It simply is. Realising you are in love isn’t easy- but accepting this is the way you feel is. You can’t change it, so do something with it. Use that energy, why waste it on avoiding something that has probably been living within you for some time now. Accepting it will help you evolve with the feeling as it does. At this point, in one way or another- the person you were is gone.
You have taken a step up the evolutionary chain and will never be able to step down again. You are, now and forever- post love. A scary thought undeniably, for this is what kept you away from people for so long, not giving “chase”to the ideas of love and connection the world would have you believe because it really didn’t make any sense. You were never one for being told what you “should” want as you walk down the path you “should” take. The path less well worn seemed a preference, a comfort if you will. The less well lit, the lovely dark.
Even in the dark, in this state of Post Love you are inherently vulnerable. I suppose when all is said and done you are giving someone a dagger, the tip aimed at the softest part of you. You place their hands softly over the handle with hope they won’t plunge it into you.
That is the key thing i think I and many others struggle with- the release of power to someone else and believing they would never hurt you the same way you wouldn’t hurt them. Loving someone else to me is impossible without some form of love being returned to you, if not for anything else but to establish balance. If it’s not then it’s something else, it’s desire, lustful or not, but i don’t think it could be love. Life is impossible without balance, as is love. Without balance you become reliable and that doesn’t end well for anyone frankly.
To ultimately handle and understand post love- we have to look at how we got to this point. Understand what’s happened in order to move forward, if you will. You accept love, in whatever form it is. You feel it from within you and in the experiences and connection you have with a certain person. You don’t understand it, but know your life would be considerably worse without that feeling, that person in your life. You made it to this point through belief and love for yourself and in another person you care deeply for, even though you cannot explain what got you there.
The art of not knowing gave you something outstanding, so simply be in it, still not knowing. I am forever post love and because of her I will never be the same again. Through simply being, I have grown to a place i once did not consider possible. Don’t want for anything, don’t expect anything, just be there. Present, in a moment, not thinking about the past or planning around your concerns for the future.
Nothing is promised to you and as much as you are sat across the table with them at dinner one day, they could be gone the next. So live in this experience of being with this person, give yourself permission to feel everything you do with them. You are stronger than you think proved more by the fact you are living with Post Love Syndrome.
It doesn’t have to make sense, it doesn’t have to be understood because regardless of whether you understand or not it will continue to exist. So carry on the path that bought you here, in fear, living with the tight knot in your stomach but so sure that person is just as believing in you as you are them. You have started on this path of evolution and suffering in the depths of unknown is simply a part of it to get through. Love yourself and love them, you’ll get through it together.
Be unquestionably and irrevocably in love, want nothing more than your life to be filled with amazing moments where they are stood next to you. There are days where life and moments will be lost to cynicism and confusion. Look out to sea as the boats crash against the waves, and remember.
You are not facing it alone.
Yours, with love as always.
D.R x
