Good evening ladies and gentleman.
So, before we begin, i must make a request. We have been working on desire for a while now, so what i write here may appear slightly disjointed without seeing those. So go and read the last two things on desire so we can all understand what we are all talking about.
As you may or may not know, we are always thinking. Four or five things at a time, trying to be aware of everything that is going on around us. We like to be the one that holds are the cards, the one who knows everything and appear to be the person with the knowledge in the room. We have desires, requirements and dreams for the style of life we want to lead. Moreover, as we said last time, we have walls that stop us getting to these desires, sometimes leading us to become comfortable in our little world, between the wall you got through and the wall you just can’t seem to break through, leading to comfort and a sense of despair that as hard as we try we cannot ignore.
I feel like we want to become “master” of our little realm, like a weird sort of consolation prize. A sort of “i can’t get to that, so i’m going to live with this” sort of thought. However, is this really who we are? More importantly, is this who we want to be? We may have convinced ourselves everything is the way it should be, the sort of “this is good and we can deal with it.” Which in truth, can leave us settled, for a while, yet this isn’t a permanent solution. The thoughts, the feelings that always seem to come back. We can convince ourselves we are happy with what we are doing in life so easily these days. Somehow we think living within walls can make us happy, be it living within the walls of a lifestyle or the thoughts and opinions of friends, far away from the beliefs and desires that drive us.
Generally that niggling thought that keeps coming back, every time we convince ourselves that things are where we want them to be (to me anyway) is despair, screaming at us “OI- SOMETHING ISN’T RIGHT.” If you have found your balance, broke down your walls and grabbed onto that thing. Yes mate! good for you. However i don’t think this is an easy thing to find, meaning we can wind up spending a lot of our lives trying to get to these desires, while not really knowing how to, hence the very emotional “despair” thing. I will always hate feeling despair, it makes you feel so… powerless.
Where do these walls come from? What is stopping us reaching those desires we crave so badly? We believe its just extenuating circumstances that stop us doing what we want, but when you think about it, when it boils down to the major reality of what our lives are its…us. We create these walls, then convince ourselves we have to throw everything at them in order to destroy them, only to move onto a new wall and a new set of things trying to stop us getting to these desires, these things, people and feelings, these important, wonderful things we need so badly.
If we create these walls, only to then feel the need to destroy them. Yet at points on the journeys to our greatest desires, we find barriers that as hard as we try, we cannot breakthrough. Whatever the reason might be, fear of not being able to handle those desires were we to reach them, or scared of losing something comfortable, we do it even though we could gain so much. This is where despair lies. I think as horrible as despair is, its a good thing to feel it. It can show you that your not enjoying the way your living your life, a sign almost that you need to do something to change it. Nonetheless, we could break down the wall, or an alternative could be take the wall away altogether and simply walk on by. As in the end, it was us who built those walls in the first place.
Now i’m not stupid. We have convinced ourselves these days we should live within these walls, convinced we are supposed to live life in a certain way- ignoring what we truly desire. So why not take away the wall? The problem is though as we away the wall, we don’t really know how to feel. We will run around trying to frantically build these walls back up, make the horrible feeling go away.
I think there has to be a push. To understand what you desire, what really matters to us. Then we can understand that while we might lose our comfort, our way of life that we are used to in our little circle, ignoring that feeling that won’t go away. Its as if there is another level. This level looks at what you might gain from losing something you are used to, rather than what you are losing. You lose your comfort, but how much closer are you to your true desires, what you consider to be your purpose? your “destiny” if you will.
So break down the walls, or take them away.
In the end its a choice, as are most things. So simply choose to think better feeling thoughts, living and loving your life as you see fit.
Viva la Thinking Evolution.
Random motivation picture