Good morning ladies and gentleman
So, its been nearly three weeks since we last spoke, the recent dose of corrective laser eye surgery putting me out of action for sometime. Its a long term recovery process and am still far from where I’m going to be, but not doing anything towards Thinking Evolution for 20 odd days started an odd thought revolving around my mind.
It can often seem like the world is on steroids. Everything is fast, and forever getting faster. We are always looking for the next best thing or idea that will revolutionize the way we see the world or how we communicate. We want everything and to be able to do everything as soon as possible, instantaneous inter-connectivity. In some modern circles we act like its a right to be able to tweet on command, send that text to confess some deep dark secret or ring someone after drinking the equivalent of the North Sea in whisky to tell them how much you love them.
We do this, I believe, because this life and the way modern society has become is very second nature to us. Wi-fi is everywhere, they are forever increasing your signal range as it becomes easier and easier to communicate from the furthest corners of the planet. Now this is far from a bad thing, the fact we have the ability to communicate such vast distances so easily is a true thing of beauty, and a perfect explanation for the brilliance of technology in our modern age. As with the speed of our lives, efficiently streamlining previously wasteful and quite dreary processes that have wasted so much time. The way the world can be, when we try, is outstanding. The problem is, to me, when things aren’t really new to us anymore.
For all of our fears, thoughts and desires, the idea of change is intertwined into everything. Now I’ve talked about change a lot, for that change is good, to keep moving forward as long as you remember where you’ve been. Respect it and the change coming forward will be yours. This change we fear, when we build and build and bring about this movement in our lives, brings without a strange novelty of the new reality. Even with things like wi-fi, hardly a mentally dominating idea, but it changed the way the world communicates and exists forever. This was new, as with many things, new things are always interesting- when they are new. Time passes though, days become weeks and months often in the blink of an eye, with the inevitability of these new brilliant things just become part of the background. When you get to the point where you don’t remember life without something and how that felt, its changed to you. Something beautiful about it, a thing, or even someone who means so much to you, is lost.
This, among many things, is part of the never ending battle to keep away from the dreary mediocrities of modern life. As when you can’t remember someone not being part of your life, or more specifically, how that felt, a special part of you and this relationship, with a thing, idea or a person becomes almost boring if you let it- like its part of the decoration. To assume it, or they will be a part of your life regardless is foolhardy at best, simply for the fact that its at times like this when brilliant and beautiful moments become nothing more than an ending and painful memory.
There is no way of dealing with this, no grand solution or differing choice of thought. What there is though, is the acknowledgement that this idea exists and we must find a way of dealing with it. As without acknowledgement, relationships become what they could have been, ideas and thoughts what you should have done. The result is a particularly awful sensation that you are stuck, as if between a rock and hard place, and for all of the fears i have this truly terrifies me.
I lost writing for a while, This whole thing with the laser surgery and my mental decline running up to it meant i couldn’t see what i was doing, not sure where i was supposed to be, or what i wanted to be. Its confusing set of feelings when you don’t know what you are. I still can’t really explain it, but for both physical and mental reasons i got to the point where i didn’t recognize the man staring back at me in the mirror.
This disappearance, and not being able to do something that has been there with breathing, eating and sleeping for the last year or so made me realize how important certain things and certain people are to me. Writing and Thinking Evolution means so much to me, fuck, it basically is me, or so i have believed for so long now. Yet its not that simple, for to become who we want to be, we need to see all of who we are, the good parts , bad parts, the flaws and the imperfections. I need all of me, for writing and Thinking Evolution to work. as losing you and losing this has made me realize there is more to me than writing, and i should embrace the brilliance of what the world can be, not just in my writing, but for life too.
Maybe this is what i have missed for so long. To be your true self and through this live as purely as we can to the morals and beliefs that make us who we are, we have to embrace every part of us. This sounds so obvious, but I feel like i have been cherry picking through the “useful” characteristics of my personality for so long now,, you start to wander which way you’re supposed to look, or in which way your supposed to live. This random decision to ignore parts of who you are can be damaging to many things, but most importantly, your happiness.
Hence why the comeback is so important.
For i am DR. But there is so much more to life, and more to me than that. This is my comeback. I’m back and dam i’ve missed you. I’m not sad i was gone though, for i’m back stronger and better than ever before for us to grow, to think of the complexities of life, love and everything in between, and collectively understand the nature of choosing to think better feeling thoughts.
Not to just think it though. To feel it, to be a part of it and when all is said and done-
Live for it.
Yours, with love as always.