Chemistry

Good evening ladies and gentleman

I have always been infuriated by this idea of “OK, that’s the way it is.” What’s the point of being able to think freely and without bias if we aren’t actually going to use this brilliant skill we have to the biggest advantage we can.  As times and societies have developed, this ability to change, to evolve and be so much more than we are right now, to run, to work, to graft so much to get to that higher point, to reach the very peak of that mountain and give yourself a reason to be so much more is forever growing, and forever coming up against more formidable opposition.

I feel like we don’t like to be surprised, to live for the moment as you cry with laughter, to cry with sadness, to love so powerfully, to run so fast, to feel an icy wind bracing against you in the vast “colorlessness” of a snow covered landscape, to feel the sun baking down on you as the waves lap between your toes on a beautiful beach, to have amazing, soul connecting sex, to connect with people to the point you feel so much comfort just hearing them breathe as you hug them. This is the challenge- but the question is how do we challenge the world to get to that point? Through change, yet i find its something we have all feared at some point.

I have always seen change as this daunting thing, this huge deal that we always brace for, as we never really know when its coming. You don’t know what’s going to happen, so how would you ever know how to deal with it? You wouldn’t until it happens. This “not knowing” pushes people to avoid change and find comfort in reliable familiarity, from the job that doesn’t fulfill you, to the things you hope will make you happy and at times the relationships we fail to maintain as the spark that once held you so close to one another seems nothing more than a beautiful memory, now a distant fantasy.

What if we are always changing, always evolving in some way and this fear of change is us just putting a block on what we are told will be a problem- what we have been taught might not necessarily be acceptable? Be it by other people or even by ourselves? Take the connections and relationships we have throughout our lives, they are all different, from the relationship you have with your mother to your father, to your friends and enemies, current partners and those you have longed for in the past. Each relationship is different on a most fundamental level through the chemistry you share with this person.

What is chemistry? Chemically speaking, its taking two raw materials and reacting them together to get something new and in the vast majority of cases, better- a more improved version of the materials if you will. This positively high school definition is something that can be taken to the connections and relationships we have had across our lives up to the present moment in the connections we share now, for the impact they can have on your future is truly enormous.

I have been unable to understand this idea of chemistry between two people for many years, confused by the idea of relationships having a “spark,” where this people share good “chemistry” in order to be closer and have a deeper, more meaningful relationship. Even in the endless television and film reviews where the main characters of the story “shared good chemistry.” These phrases just seemed really odd. When you sit down and think about it though,  chemistry is so important to our development as people, critical in how we evolve through time and grow to the people we have become and as we continue to grow in the future.

Take a recent conversation with a close friend of mine. She says that the key thing to her ideological relationship, even to her ideological friendship, is simply to understand her. Now for the many years I’ve known this fabulously oddly wonderful person, to start with i didn’t see it- quite frankly when I met her, i found her positively infuriating. I have grown and developed ( I like to think) since this period in my life and now it seems to make more sense who she is and what she wants to be. She doesn’t connect with people well, for she doesn’t really know how to, so the outlandish”ness” in her was a way to be noticed, to stand out, even thought there is far more too her.

So as i have developed, she has too, and through the admittedly complicated, often very emotionally, negatively charged, rather exhaustive chemistry we once shared, our relationship and the resulting chemistry has evolved. The result is this- i sort of understand her and she sort of understands me. I will never claim to understand everything, especially her, but i remain steadfast on this idea that we have a chemistry of sorts, a spark that means we are happily comfortable around each other, to talk and think freely without being judged, to talk and share opinions, hopes and dreams, to be there for each other when being swallowed by darkness and in the dizzying heights of the bright lights.

I’m not saying this is purely based around her, for this is far from the point i’m trying to make, more  how the timeline of life can recreate and remold the chemistry you share with another person, away from just “knowing someone,” away from online dating, random encounters in bars, fleeting passing of strangers in the street, from the guy helping you try on shoes, to the girl serving you in your favorite restaurant. Its more the smile you shared with the waitress in the bar, to the dinner you shared after the droves of rubbish on the internet with someone you felt like you’d known for years and the deep conversation you had of life, love and everything in between with a total stranger in the bar. These encounters all create a form of chemistry between you and that person. As for what might have been just a second, you shared a deep, meaningful connection and in just that fleeting moment, nothing else mattered.

Maybe that is the whole thing with chemistry- the ability to be in the moment when you are with that person. When I’m with my friend and talking about whatever random subject is occurring at the time, I am there, as present as i possibly can be, without the bullshit irritations and limitations that are forever thrown at us in modern society, forcing labels and categories upon you, like somehow everything has to be labelled and quantified, therefore it will make “sense.”

Why does the chemistry you share with someone have to make sense? I don’t think these connections will ever make sense and can never really be understood, nor should they be. Even more so  in those i am close to,  in that they seem comfortable in a way not many people are around me, willing to talk and understand through the most complex of ideas, be there to show me the path back to the light and there to laugh with me while we are there. This, to me, is because all three of us gave the chemistry we now share a chance, however weird and brilliant it is, to simply “happen,”  with this the resulting connection we share.

Proof then, if we ever needed any that sharing chemistry with someone is true power, bringing about change, an evolution of your thinking in life, love and everything in between.  It could create passion, power, desire, love- feelings that feel so incredible if we can embrace them and treat them simply as they are, if we choose to allow ourselves the privilege. It is chaotic, it is scary, but that’s the point- its supposed to be. Without it, you lose a critical part of yourself, the part that makes you unique, that part that connects with someone on such a level that the relationship you share is so special, your lives are forever to be intertwined in the chaos.

It makes for something you don’t understand, but being there for them through it all isn’t something you would miss for the world.

That is chemistry at its finest, to me.

Yours, with love as always.

DR

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6 thoughts on “Chemistry

  1. I think that most relationship fail because we do not want to change. But it is really difficult to get out of our comfort zone sometimes.

  2. I understand the chemistry and the spark that people feel. I felt it when my husband and I started dating. We still have chemistry, of course we have grown as individuals and as a couple and we have changed. We have adapted to our changes. This was very interesting post and I like it a lot. People do fear change, but we also need to accept change will happen. It’s part of how we grow. I do have different chemistry with friends. Sometimes changes in differences drifts us apart or closer. It is interesting how we all evolve over time.

  3. I always think of chemistry in relation to how two people hit it off and continue along afterward. Certainly it can be in a romantic relationship .. or even friendships. If I don’t have a certain chemistry with my girl friends .. we probably won’t want to hang out a lot together. As for change .. I’ve never feared it. Instead, in my life when the biggest changes have happened, that’s when I’ve been propelled in a completely different direction. (mostly in the best of ways)

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