Change

Good evening ladies and gentleman

In the grip of impossibly dreary phase of boredom for some days now, i found myself wondering why boredom has become such a relevant part of modern life. Be it for a minute, an hour or a day. What is the point to being bored? Its as if we are somehow sending ourselves a message, unconsciously, that something is fundamentally wrong with our lives, in the fact that something feels, most critically, really rather underwhelming. So it makes sense we would want to do something to change it, yet we don’t really know how to do this, for the result could make us feel so much worse than boredom ever could. As i said before its like a trade. Dealing with feeling underwhelmed in order to not feel so much, confident of a bad result if we were to change our lives somehow.

Yet we seem stuck in a cycle because of this trade. We are underwhelmed and bored by life, so you think its about time you made a change somewhere, only to feel scared of the potential change because of the potential for a change to have a negative impact on your life, possibly resulting in the same low mood the comes from the boredom- or worse. So we sit at the same point, in fear of what might or might not happen. Why do we limit ourselves like this for living bored? This limitations to avoid feeling bad is dragging us only further from the ideals we long for, those dreams we lust for and who we want to be. For when all is said and done. This is…you.

Yet i feel like modern society has convinced us all that “you” are the least relevant part of your life, we should be spending our lives as part of the world because the world is “just the way it is” and its our job as we work through education, get a job and earn some money is to find our place in this world. Furthermore, we shouldn’t make a fuss, shouldn’t complain, because we did everything we were supposed to- so “what do you have to complain about?” . The news showing how people’s lives are different to ours, leaving us convinced we are missing something, so need to make a change to align ourselves in that way.  We are constantly seeing this idea that people are doing so well, yet its as if we don’t really know how to in ways we feel would satisfy us as individuals.

Nonetheless, in society today we seem very particular at sticking with this. This whole “finding your hamster wheel and off you run” mentality seems to make us even more robotic, lacking any form of emotional reaction to anything. Even if we don’t like the way we live or the job that is dreary to us, we can look across the vast expanses of the internet for a new job, to earn more money, get new things and do stuff that might make our lives just that little more interesting. But does it though. Or are we slightly modifying what is the same path, so we can work hard and spend so much time doing so that we spend so long working to earn all that money we wind up only existing in life, without actually feeling anything.

Why do we persist? Especially when we know the result will the same boredom and low mood that we have spent so long trying to avoid? The reason, from what I can tell, is fear, or more specifically, a fear of change. A horrible, deflating sense that we risk feeling bad if we make a change in our lives, be it a step forward to the dreams we long for, taking someone you thought was important to you out of your life, or bringing someone into your life, that could have such an impact that you may love in the brilliant way that only you can. Yet we don’t do this, for we fear change and the feelings, be they good or bad, they may bring.

I have found in my experience that we the major change is only part of the battle. For we live for the possibility of success and the amazing thoughts and feelings,  imaginary or not, that come with it. We need it, for this is the hope that continues to drive us. We hope for that change because of what it might bring us, although struggle to push through with them, because of the expected negative result. This idea, whether its just me I’m not sure, but its the that everything ends, and nothing is ever truly sad until its over. We, in one way or another are running away from something, avoiding, almost disallowing ourselves the utter brilliance of moving towards those dreams and ideas for life, for what we are told what we should want, how we should do this or that then we won’t be bored, as this is what we know, this will “never” make us feel truly low. Difference is it will never allow us to feel anything. Do we sometimes like that though? The need to in a way, not be human at all?

It seems to be the ultimate catch 22. We don’t like the way things are, they do not interest us, it is causing a really dramatic amount of boredom. Yet we fear the changes that could have such a wonderfully unique impact on life, if we simply gave ourselves the chance. Yes it may result in something bad, cause a low mood and boredom- but for a while, even for just a moment, you felt incredible. The result may be you end up low, but you had that moment, and it was amazing. Then you go off and find new moments. Like i wrote a few months ago, life is a collection of snapshots and not oil paintings.

Surely this should be something, if not only for the proof to yourself that there is so much more to life than being a puppet to the ideas of others, convinced they are sure, or society is sure of the best way for you to live your life. As this way, you are living their life, to their standards, with you only imagining how life could be. Life is for the living and the opportunities are for the taking, if we choose to see them. Because, dam. It could be incredible, and life would be yours.

Yours, with love as always.

DR

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fear-of-change

change

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