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As previously mentioned, i am finding my attention drawn away from the task in hand lately, whatever it might be. Its as if i’m always sidetracked to doing something else, completely meaningless and unrelated to what I was trying to do. Furthermore, i feel like the world and the societies we find ourselves living in, these almost alien voids where individuality and any form of creativity, conventionally artistic (as if there could be such a thing) or any creative outlet that creates that feeling of wander like nothing else can. You are human, and this is what you love doing. Through this medium, you become who you are. It gives the world meaning to you, and that, to me, is the most important thing that we seem to not want to notice, that we almost try to ignore.
Hence the persistent, consistently confusing problem of being sidetracked from whatever you might be thinking about or trying to achieve. It bothers me so much because the distractions all seem so pointless, just wastes of time so you aren’t focused on something. Whether this is something we consciously choose to do, to remain off on a meaningless sidetrack, or as a fail-safe style defense mechanism remains to be seen, but either way the question of what we are hoping to stay distracted from remains. What are we avoiding to even think about so badly? What is so bad, that I do all i can to remain so sidetracked?
I think it all starts, in this modern technological world of 2017 in the piece of metal and plastic sat next to you, that has a consistent residence in your pocket or even in your hand as you read what I am writing to you right now. Now it would be obtuse and extremely narrow minded to say the least to conclude the idea the smartphone was a poor invention, because for all of the doubters, all of the “death of conversation” complainers, to the real world becoming so less relevant as we look to Instagram and the photoshopped idealistic standards of the world to be the gospel in the way the world should be, as we become consumed by this idea that the key to happiness, the key to what is missing in your life resides among the likes, comments and re-tweets of social media. What if there was more to this giant of the modern age, what if it could be so much more.
For all the doubters in the way the world is going, there has to be so much more to say, more to see than we ever could have seen. We can forge connections to parts of the world we would never be able to see, have friends on the other side of the world checking in and sharing beautiful experiences with you, as you do them. We can create challenges, revolutionary ideas, business that could shape the world as we see it, inventions that are moving the world into a technological age the world would have never even considered possible a few decades ago. The world has become so much more connected, in theory, then why does it seem a much more lonely place? Why is it that being lonely has become so much more frequent, a demon more and more people are not wanting to face up to?
This is why I believe we have this persistent need for distraction, to remain sidetracked, because then we aren’t concentrating on this fear, real or not, of something so all encompassing it feel as if it might swallow you up. Loneliness is the most predominant problem among the plethora of emotions and idea through this, for I feel like you could easily drown in loneliness. I maintain from something i wrote a few months ago that to be lonely and to be alone, are two very different sensations, with themselves a different set of emotions and ideas. We are all perfectly capable of being alone, you can walk down the street, go to the shops, watch TV and cook your food by yourself no problem. Its perfectly possible to go 24 hours completely alone, left with your thoughts to rest, look at what you are and what you want to be, learning and understanding the way the world is and the way you are. Periods of being alone are good.
However, these periods of being alone can also be a fundamental weakness, something that can work so very hard against you and against what you want to be. Why? Because being alone can be an emotionally numb, almost comfortable experience, a perspective into your world devised by logic and order, where everything has its place, where we strive to understand what is happening and what has the potential to go wrong. There is no surprise to being alone, literally and emotionally, which means there is less pain, less sadness. I think we all struggle to let people into our world because of how comforting alone can be. Like everything, being alone in moderation is good, a powerful mental force that can reset and refresh a tired mind, offer a fresh perspective on a previously perplexing question and save the the tired mind from the saturated sensation of exhaustion. When you get a taste of the pleasure of being alone, the effects can be profound.
Too much though and being alone can rapidly become lonely. I think we are always supposed to let people into our lives, a select few into the often unhinged personal world you live and the rare encounters with truly beautiful people into your heart. If you, if I am ever going to get to that next level of a world so interconnected by Instagram, Snapchat and so many other ways of showing the world what you believe to be you, then personal, meaningful, emotionally powerful connections are the key.
Now i’m not even saying this should happen right away, or even at all at times, for one to live and think in this positive way doesn’t require consistent need and desire for action, to constantly be doing or trying to be at the next level of life, be it in the connections we share with people, the love you have for someone or just the place you are in your life, but just being aware of what could happen, being open to the possibility that regardless of how hard we try, if we truly want to live- we have to be aware that sometimes life will hurt. You will feel tortured and pained by things you do not understand, confused by your low mood, the ignorance of life leaving you so lost on the rare occasion life happens to you that being alone can so rapidly become lonely. If we aren’t even open to the possibility, what are we really doing? Is it really living?
I feel like wherever any of us are in life, to whatever capacity, there is always another level we can reach, another target, goal or beautifully brilliant idea to work towards. Its what we fill the journey with, the work in heading towards the destinations is what really matters. The moments that make you smile, laugh and wander why you ever felt so low, the moments that make you sad, feel something so soaked in misery all you can think of is being alone, when in reality all you wanted is someone to hold you, someone to talk to and say that you will be okay. This is life, and sometimes you’re supposed to be lonely. And you will always be okay.
We should even embrace loneliness at times for these tests show us the nature and character of who we are and who we want to be as people, as individuals in a world who would rather we stay sidetracked on “The Perfect Selfie” or some upcoming television show.
It’s not supposed to be easy, admitting to being lonely. Its even harder to know how to deal with it without distraction, simply because and i know this seems obvious-
I really, really don’t like feeling lonely.
Yours, with love as always