Good evening ladies and gentleman
So of all the problems of indecision and the capacity to ignore the passions of feeling and wonder that could drive us and make us who we want to be. We hide behind the versions of ourselves we have developed through avoiding opportunities and wondrous moments, events that “could” turn bad if we play them the wrong way, so we live with our indecision, as this limits our need to feel pain, to be uncomfortable in a situation we may not have previously experienced.
I may have mentioned this before, but it cannot be expressed enough to effectively drive this point home, this idea of where all this thinking, be it negative or positive seems to come from. We have a thing in modern society where we have to be in a place of power, a place in which we feel we need to hold all the cards, to have all the answers, “this way i won’t be caught out.” Why do we see not knowing something as being “caught out?” Maybe because as much as we try to be good, be the “best we can be” we are always watching friends and family, jumping what we feel to be so much farther than us, reaching for that star that is just a little further away.
For reasons I’m not quite sure of, this gives us a horrible deflated sensation, as if we are a failure because we are not doing as well as everyone else, or haven’t quite reached that higher level. We could have been working, grafting for some time on something wonderful, be it business or a blossoming friendship that you hope will continue to have a prolific effect on your life. Yet you see everything else everyone is doing and we start to think about what we have achieved at that particular moment. What usually follows here is us thinking about how little we have done in comparison, how far we are from reaching that higher level, that higher understanding and development in a relationship for it to mean as much to them as it does to you.
We are so awash with a smorgasbord of different emotions and feelings about the events and people in our lives we don’t really know how to feel, as we try to feel everything at the same time, take it all on therefore “with a bit of luck i might be able to deal with it and move on.” Through seeing what others are saying and doing, we feel like we aren’t doing enough, maybe we should have done this or that, maybe “if i start over and it might have a better chance of working this time.” All this means is if we spend our entire lives restarting things, or committing to the failure of a project, or the idea that your feelings for someone will never be anything more, that hope you have they feel the same way and you could be with them ends up nothing more than a fleeting desire, coupled with a slap down back to “reality” that “of course they wouldn’t see me that way,” or “it would never work.”
We assume things won’t work for us as well as everyone else and ironically, by considering how “bad” we are supposedly doing, all the good and positive things we have been achieving end up being mired in a down feeling of wondering “whats the use anyway?”
A few weeks ago i mentioned my “fail-safes,” those things i do, the actions, thoughts and behaviors if something causes me anxiety or a feeling occurs could cause some discomfort. I believe we all have these different techniques, all due to some sense of insecurity. We spend our lives comparing ourselves to everything and everyone, seeing each other achieve outstanding, wonderful things, leading us to believe where we are right now that we could “never get to that level?
This is such an irrational way of thinking, yet i think we believe this is the right way to be- the insecurities limiting the pain and discomfort of life, while limiting that person we want to be, the person who wants to live life, to love and do all of those wonderfully outstanding things they have always dreamed of? Why do we think like this? Why do we have insecurities?
What leads to your insecurity? Does anxiety lead to an avoidance of something that makes you feel good?
Random motivational picture