Good evening ladies and gentleman
I think it’s very easy to feel very overwhelmed these days. Be it with emotion, by society, because of your choices or because of the choices of others. Life is like a pressure cooker, stray too far into the red for too long and it all comes crashing down, a catastrophe that is nothing more than another notch in the bedpost of society as it ploughs on regardless.
This is not my interest here though, for I am aware how often my cynicism affects my mood at times and often my writing. The curiosity is coming from a place of wander in what we do when those overwhelmed sensations present themselves, that sensation when the tears hover just below the surface, when the darkness is waiting in the corner, when the king is one wrong move from checkmate.
Where does one run to- when it feels as if there is nowhere left to run?
Perhaps to music. On such a venture i found the song “Hooked on a Feeling” by Blue Swede- whose chorus lyrics go as follows:-
“I’m high on a feeling, high on believing- that you’re in love with me.”
Now, as an instinctual observation of such lyrics this person is clearly in love with someone who he believes them to be loving them back. The idea being the love he feels is giving him a natural high, a superpower if you will.
Surely this illustrates you are the one that makes you happy. The feelings you choose to have, to appreciate and exist within are the building bricks to not just who you are, but who you are going to be. You make you happy, everyone else, that person, that impossible girl, is a bonus.
You are the one with your hand on the wheel, it’s what you allow into your consciousness that gives you true power. You have to release the valve on the pressure cooker and allow yourself the privilege of feeling something- with the steadfast reminder that its all you and whatever happens you will be able to handle it.
I think a lot of people believe when they go for long periods without relationships or when they have never been in love, that they wouldn’t know how to because they don’t want to know, because it upsets the fantasy of what love is supposed to be. Love is ultimately an idea defined by you and created by you and another person, each in a different way.
Most daren’t run towards love, most spend their entire lives running away from it, to comfort, to familiarity, to the easy path towards an easy life, maybe a nice house and car, regular holidays and regular sex. We in society are simply transferring those feelings of questionable self worth and insecurity onto someone else. Why should anyone else be responsible for how you feel?
Truth is i don’t think we really know anyone anymore, not as well as we think. Its as if we don’t get to know people anymore because of the instantaneous nature of the world. As soon as you find someone to be important to you they will be gone, no need to put in the work, the internet ready with it next fix of porn or new dating site ready to bring you back into line.
There are more and more dating sites cropping up everyday, where in a simple flick of the index finger and a quick read of something we’ve “never told anyone,” you know whether you would want to date this person. Maybe there is a dinner date and maybe you become an a part of whatever the early stages of relationships are called these days, i lose track.
Then at the first sign of difficulty, most are off. Back into the dating sites, find someone better. Next round, next game. I talk about a world of instants a lot of the time people assume that there is instant connection. The world would have you believe love at first sight is a thing, but it is nothing more than a carnal desire to fuck. Running the same play you’ve ran over and over. The game where you are always in control- where you always know the outcome.
Why? Because we live in fear of what we don’t understand and fear is a very easy thing to run from these days. The result of this fear is chasing things that we have been told about, that we have seen on TV or in films, or something you may have seen a friend enjoy. You see your friends happy, you start to wander if there is something wrong with you, so turn to those closest and see what they’re doing:-
“They seem happy, maybe i should try that”
So we end up chasing things other people want, for we hope it will make us as happy as it does them.
It doesn’t- and I don’t think it ever will. We are scared of the unknown, so the idea of going out there and not knowing how the day, the date, or the event will turn out would have most people running harder and faster than ever before- the fruition of freedom they aspire to, which just has you running in circles.
Run. Sure, but not away from the stages of the unknown, but towards them. I know that’s inherently backwards, but what is the worst that could happen? Maybe you’re upset for a while, maybe your even sad. In the depths of that sadness, in that darkness, lessons can be learned. Lessons about strength, about powering through, about love and about evolution. Difficulty and misery are key components to growth, to run towards the fear, is to strike fear into fear itself. It may go wrong, but what if it didn’t?
Don’t do what’s expected of you. Falling into patterns makes you nothing more than a number, a statistic on a spreadsheet, forgotten. Running, always Running but towards things, to parts of yourself that make you happy, to explore parts of your mind long forgotten, go on great adventures, be in your circle of powerful people living higher than the conventionality the world tells you that you should be living for. Whatever that means to you, live for it. Work towards it like its the only thing worth doing, run for it like your life literally depends on it.
Because i guess in a way- It does.
Yours, with love as always.