Month: October 2020

Good evening ladies and gentleman

I, as do many of you, have good days. Days where the flow is good, as you power through it promotes a mental clarity, as if you’re seeing the world through a diamond like crystal. These days come rarely though, the beautiful gems that they are. More often that not are those…other days. Those days that feel so endless it’s as if tomorrow never comes, the days where the lack of feeling anything, the very emptiness that you’re living in and trying to power through, swallows you near whole.

Even having a bad hour in a day. How does one avoid that bad hour becoming a bad day? How can we make sure that bad day doesn’t end up as a bad week? It’s so easy to spiral, to feel like there is no way out of this endless loop of insanity, that the world is stuck on repeat and there you are stood directly in the middle. Groundhog day.

That is where the ultimate war of contention comes in. There is a battle going on within us all. The war against you. To survive, we must prepare the armoury for the maximum affect as we go into battle. We are so pained by life sometimes and a fixation on that pain will be the destruction of everything you are and everything you know.

But it happens. Its happened to me more times than i care to count, as I’m sure it has you. So, imagine the good and bad was akin to your heart. The beat has slowed to a near crawl, your soul is shrivelling, your mind- exhausted. The world is getting too much and the weight you carry on your shoulders is just so damn heavy. You can’t carry on, you’re not even sure you want to anymore. The game is rigged, and you cant take another roll of snake eyes.

That is where pleasure can come in. When you imagine you may never smile again, the defibrillator of pleasure jolts your heart into movement. CLEAR! Again… CLEAR!

And out of nowhere, from the brink- your back. It can be something as simple as a hot chocolate on a crisp winter morning. You wake up, surveying another nothing day you have coming- get up and start going through those familiar motions. Step out into the day and feel the wall of cold air kiss your face as you see a plume of breath find its way skywards. You have a plan today though, today is going to be different. You get to work, head for the coffee shop. Empty cafe, early morning, nobody but you and the occasional weary commuter walking past for company.

Hot chocolate down on the table, sugar in. Tap, tap, tap goes the spoon as it lands back on the tray. Up to your lips for a sip and that warm goodness, that elixir of life… CLEAR ! That first sip as the cup leaves your lips and you exhale, it’s as if the negative energy is being forcibly removed by hot chocolate bailiffs. In that moment, you are ultimately so very alone, but so very happy to be. The right word for this, as far as i can figure out, is peaceful.

The way something so simple can make you feel, even if only for a moment is the where the battles are won. The solitude, the pleasure, just for a few minutes when something so minimal is giving you so much. These little things, the fleeting moments in time, of pleasure, of wander and stillness in a world moving so dam quickly are the most important. We need these moments, even if it is just to get through one day.

These moments are rare, and so damn special. In that moment, hot chocolate in hand- nothing else matters. You are there with yourself, and maybe, just maybe- you can get through today.

And if you can get through today, maybe you can get through tomorrow.

You get through tomorrow, maybe you can even see out the week.

Because when all is said and done, the little things aren’t the moments you remember, but without them, you probably wouldn’t be half the person you are today. I know i would have given up long ago.

Here’s to you. To hot chocolate. To beautiful moments on those bleak winter mornings. And to getting up and keeping it moving.

This is how life is achieved, truly achieved. Existence is futile, but life has the means to be beautiful.

Yours, with love as always.

D.R x

Good evening ladies and gentleman

Question- what is “romantic?” What if anyone- be it your best friend, a new love interest or your 500th date with a person you’ve known for longer than you care to remember- asked you that question? What does it mean to be seen as someone who is romantic? Who has the means to pursue that person they love, or someone they are attracted to- in a way that is appealing to that person- in a “romantic” way?

I have been gesticulating on this problem for some time, as for many years i’ve been told that i don’t come across the “romantic” type to some, yet to others i’ve been seen as an “old romantic.” Ive always been puzzled by these ideas, as for years its meant nothing to me. The whole relationships, connections forged in fire, love, desire, wanting to build a life with someone and so on. It’s all just sort of left me a bit cold, often taking understanding of an idea in order to fully appreciate it in such a way to accept it.

For years i just haven’t bothered with a lot of these concepts, not feeling like there was enough energy in them to waste time thinking about them. On the rare occasions i do, have produced a powerfully anxious response, as if there were 2 parts of me meeting at some point of powerful vulnerability. I’ll be the first to tell you i couldn’t handle it. I felt so much all at once in these times, rare enough to be noticeable when i would lose myself in the what if’s and the maybes of connection and romanticism as we know it today.

So, what is it? This idea that we need a platform to sell ourselves on, these dating apps, chat apps, hookup apps and whatever else sort of app someone can bribe you into buying with a potential for the “perfect” love, this conveyer belt, this meat market of swipes and hearts, messages ” left on read” and friend requests ignored. This is where the trophy partner is won or lost these days, on the Instagram battleground and i hope for your sake you didn’t just like that other persons’ picture. Makes no sense? Of course it doesn’t, its not supposed to. You do it, because thats just “how the world of dating works these days.”

Then people question what it means to be romantic because the term and act died years ago, to be replaced by these faux personalities plastered all across the internet. Now, do not mistake what was once called “chivalry” or some form of “gentlemanly” behaviour for this idea of being romantic- or buying your girlfriend flowers from the petrol station on the way home because you skipped dinner to go down the pub with your boys. This is not romanticism this is guilt, often perceived in similar ways- but very different.

Maybe its where I’m from or the culture i have grown up in, but to be romantic isn’t a natural behaviour to a lot of people. As much as i say this isn’t a natural behaviour, every person alive is capable of it and often in the most remarkable and meaningful ways. The difference is the energy that you receive from that other person. It’s not necessarily about the energy you receive being the same as the energy you put out into the world, but instead about an energy that can mould and shape with your energy, subsequently creating something more.

If you are lucky enough to be open and understanding enough of yourself and this person you care for so dearly to find what might be this energy, you may wish to show them how you feel. Words and feelings can only get you so far i think, especially when it comes to love and this is where we find the place of romanticism in the world. Romantics are offering tokens of love to the world and hoping through this the person they love will react in kind.

The romantic is the one who doesn’t care for frivolities as its never been about materials. Take this- millionaire buys partner a brand new Mercedes. It wasn’t a difficult purchase and will have minimal impact on how they live their lives month to month. Is this a purchase to be romantic? Not really. It’s a trinket to show how well you and your relationship are doing. In comparison take someone working two jobs and extra shifts in order to buy their partner the car they’ve always dreamed of. the one they had pictures on their wall of as a child. When they see it, the smile that will beam from their face and the positive energy and boost they will get from what you’ve done for that person will create more joy in your heart that you know, simply by seeing them so happy.

It’s not about what you do, it’s not about going big against the world. It’s about going big…for them. The thing about tokens of love, is that you have to give more of them away than receive them in order to truly appreciate them. Being romantic is easy, but it’s also so very difficult, because it’s terrifying. Being romantic is an inherent vulnerability because for every token of love you give away, you give away a part of yourself too and as you do you hope that person wont run off with it.

We live, we love and we learn. You will have experienced times where you have believed that energy was there and given a token away, to be left hurt, broken even. Questioning yourself, wandering how you could be so “stupid.” Even though without it you wouldn’t know the half of what you do about yourself, about the importance of listening to yourself and responding to positive and negative energies you could be putting out at any one time.

In the end, your own thoughts are what attracts energy to you. It’s up to you what sort of energy that is. Moreover, it’s up to you to give the tokens of love away.

For in the end, to keep them would be a hell of a waste- don’t you think?

Yours, with love as always.
D.R x