Wanting & Needing

Good afternoon ladies and gentleman

So, a point I’ve probably made fairly clear at this point that the world has a horrible habit in showing its true self in the most complicated way, to me. More recently the world has become some mercilessly complex its been getting harder and harder to keep up, but after months of trying i may have finally figured out a puzzle i thought i would never understand. A puzzle not of the world and the forever changing society we find ourselves in, but of the people living in it- us basically.

As i have argued a number of times before, i am convinced we, as humans are goal orientated, be it in the short term, say you put coffee in a mug first thing in the morning and with the addition of water you get to the goal of making your coffee, or on a larger scale, maybe in owning your own home or changing the world and the way you see it. There are hundreds of ways you can change your life in both a big and small way, but its the influences people can have on you that are most powerful, through what you want, who you want, then perhaps more powerfully and potentially much more dangerously someone you might feel you need in your life. What/who do you want in your life- for the brilliantly positive effect they may be having on you? Then compare this to the desire of need, or perhaps more appropriately- “to be needed.”

Truth is, for as long as i have reverberated around this puzzle i have come no closer to figuring it out, the idea of “needing” and “wanting” a particular connection or relationship or a certain desire to be a part of your life, the more i think about it, the more confused i become by it all.  The idea of “needing” someone in your life because of what they give you or what they make you feel be it on a regular basis or in the times you spend together has always been a difficult thing to concede to, for it feels almost like an emotional dependence on that person, like them being the person you imagine them to be, the person you choose to believe they will always be, has to be there in some way for you to be content, and subsequently happy.

Take my new connection, which as i write this is not as new now, but she makes my point. We talked a lot through various different methods and i find myself wanting her in every way i know and the other ways i didn’t even think i was capable of. However to need her denotes some form of positive emotional dependence, a way of avoiding negative emotions and avoiding pain in some far flung idea that if you have something powerful, something beautiful you don’t really ever have to feel down, to lose yourself in the negativity again. However, i have become astute enough to know being down and out, being lost in my own head is always going to find a way back in, for life is not always supposed to be good, whether she is a part of my life or not.  I say this like its a bad thing but at times i’m glad the negativity finds its way back in. Why? Because this way i understand how much good there is in my life.

These ideas- “wanting” and “needing” are remarkably similar, what we want and may subsequently need at certain points of a connection with a person, be it in a friendship, a family orientated connection or with a person you care about deeply to the point where they mean a lot to you.  You can be confident and live to your own beat, do what you have to do and live life to the fullest without the need for people whatsoever, but the resulting loneliness can be more destructive than any “want” or “need” imaginable. For we need to feel this pain, this heart wrenching soul crushing destruction to see what how much higher we could reach, if we could believe in the “risk” we are taking to take ourselves higher than we ever thought we could go.

We don’t need people, but we want to share our lives with someone. This seems an obvious thing for we have, in my opinion, a need to find happiness. We cannot find happiness in emotional dependence, for this is like holding a great weight and simply passing it on to the person in question, for life could be so much more, especially these days if we simply took one end of the weight and them the other. A connection you have with someone who wants to be a part of your life and subsequently wants to make your life a much more beautiful, powerfully emotionally positive place is surely a remarkable thing, for all of sudden things don’t seem so heavy.

To want, and to need has never been to do with people, its to do with the emotional make up of me and you that gives us the ability to think and feel better feeling thoughts. We can want and need for anything, if we can choose to be open to life, to sharing it with those we care about, be it in relationships, friendships and in your family.

You be open to the world and open to the potential beauty those connections could offer, you won’t need for this or that, you will have desires to simply experience life. Get past wanting things, people and this idea we need people. We need to experience life, for this is what makes us who we are, with the added pleasure, wander and beauty of having someone along for the ride. This way you’re desire to experience life could be taken to that next level, sharing this moment with someone who needs for nothing more than being in this near perfect moment, with you.

That’s where i think want lies for most people. That’s what true emotional desire really is.

To me anyway.

Yours, with love as always.

DR x

New Years Resolutions- Change?

Good evening ladies and gentleman

So. We find ourselves in the light of a new dawn. 2018. A new year, for new challenges to overcome, problems and puzzles to question and a vast quality of beautiful brilliance to bask in, hopefully similar to what i spring will bring (please go away cold.)  I find myself at a disadvantage, with my work dwindling the last few months, its almost been like my brain has been grinding to a halt, almost like I’ve been struggling to keep up with myself. Its a rather strange sensation but ideas flow from me often like wildfire spreading across a vast plain,coming up with ideas that could be interesting and beautiful, how we are effected by certain situations, how words can be so powerful and how violence can do so much to destroy: how in the depths of misery or in the highest of joys there is a piece of music created anywhere in the last 500 years or so that could effectively describe how you are feeling, some with so many words each like taking a punch in the gut from Anthony Joshua and others that can make you feel so much without even saying a word.

The natural world is powerfully beautiful place, vistas and places capable of taking even the most cold hearted souls breath away. There is no doubt something so utterly naturally brilliantly beautiful about the world that could inspire change in anyone to move forward throughout their lives in this new year, to a point. That point being the thing in this universe far more evolutionary than any form of natural beauty could ever bestow upon us.

That “thing”- us.

My point being far more than any natural beauty could provide us, no matter how provocative, we are always going to take it to that next level and bring about that change, no matter how evolutionary or revolutionary it might be. We, as the spiritual, powerful, intuition following, living a life of often heart wrenching hope and (whether we like to admit to it or not) sometimes emotionally dramatic people has given society more creative wander and brilliance than can be measured, seen or really even understood. We, as people, are incredible and are so much more powerful than we will ever believe ourselves to be. All we have to do is see it. Its at this point i find something taxing on my already mentally stretched mind, in particular during the first few weeks of a new year.




I’m not one to assume, as we all know, but in the broadest way i can think to write it, there are what seems like an endless amount of blog posts, Facebook updates, Tweets and stories as we are given valuable insight to someone who i suspect may have written the same thing last year and the year before it and the year before that about what they’re thinking. Even I have been guilty of being so vague- I know i’ve done it, but as i think, i don’t see why a new year, or a resolution for the “new year” is something relevant, for as the year starts anew, why would we suddenly find motivation as the Earth restarts its revolution around the Sun. I’ve always hated them, “New Years Resolutions,” all generally shallow, meaningless stuff we do in some strange belief it will bring a wave of change rolling through life, like its the key to their whole world changing, like going to the gym once or twice before you decide this “change” isn’t for you or trying to cut out a certain food until you “forgot.”

Now i’m clearly being obtuse in that I can’t say all New Year’s Resolutions are as broad and singular at the same time as some of these. What i do find confusing is why this change comes about, just because the year has changed. Nothing really has changed, nothing more than the number at the end of the date, yet we all find ourselves thinking, that things will appear different, or perhaps the more appropriate term less confusing as the festivities of December draw to a close and January has poked its head through the celebration of the new year.

Its almost as if we are going to be able to bring about a dramatic change in ourselves at the beginning of the year, then often by the first week we are questioning the sanity of that decision, generally followed by a fear of inevitable failure and wishing you had never made such a drastically unintelligent decision to make this change in the second week and by the third week most of us have gone back to the way we were before. No more change, no more fear- job done.

“I tried, and that’s what counts.” No, not exactly. If you, me or anyone, start something with the expectation it will go wrong, that you will screw it up or somehow you won’t be able to see it through to the other side, chances are you will never make it. At this point i suspect you find yourself in the vat of memories you would like to avoid, memories of what “could have been.”

As i write to you know, i have so many of those memories and i refuse to make anymore, for the truth is far simpler than i could probably ever write it…

New Year’s Resolutions are odd, strange ideologies that 9 times out of 10 will lead to disappointment. The change in your life, this is the key. Time, in this argument is meaningless, it doesn’t take time to make a decision, to think about something, to do some good or to just make a change that could have a ripple effect across your entire life. This is where the beauty I’ve been talking about comes from. It is just a moment, a second so fleeting you can’t see it when its gone, but when you were there it’s fucking beautiful.

There’s your resolution. Choose to believe in these moments and appreciate the beauty in your world. It doesn’t matter where you are or what your doing, but to choose to see yourself in a different light, to decide that you can do something and there is nothing and nobody that will be able to stop you- that’s true beauty, that’s true power and when all is said and done.

That is true change. So be the change you wish to be- for you.

Yours, with love as always,

DR x

Drive it like you Stole it.

Good evening ladies and gentleman

Truth is, when i first started this, all of this, thinking, whatever it is becoming, i was 16 years old- which feels like a lifetime ago. It has evolved to become Thinking Evolution, but as what is over six years has passed, i have realized how very little i know, and how much i have to learn. In the grand scheme that we all know as life, i don’t think we really know anything. Knowing and learning is very different, for learning is the constantly shape-shifting mystery you can’t predict with any real accuracy.

I’ve probably said this a number of times before, but if you don’t go to bed at the end of each day having learnt something, however big or small it might be, i question why you, why I bothered getting up, because you’re no different to when you went to bed the night before. Always learn, about yourself, about others, about those you care about, those you like, those you love. Then you are being a person, in the world, who wants to simply evolve, for the betterment of life.  I find myself more questioning and curious about the ideas of our world and the society we live in. I find myself scared i guess that the world is against your evolution, my evolution. The world has so much beautiful wander and brilliance at its heart- in all of us. But on the flip side thew world can cause so much pain, to the point where it seems like doing “nothing” is the only way to stop the bleeding.

You get up at the same time every morning. Ring Ring goes the familiar chime of your alarm, as you pick your heavy head up from the pillow where some beautifully euphoric dream was just gaining steam, now nothing more than a memory and within 5 minutes destined to be nothing at all. You stagger to the bathroom, still groggy and not fully awake, run you hand through your hair as you stare yourself in the mirror.

You’ve never understood why you do this. You find yourself staring into the dark abyss of your own pupils, lost in the depths of what lives behind your eyes, what you fear, what you want to be, who you want to be, who you love. You shower, change and rush downstairs, shovel in some of the same cereal you probably had yesterday and get to work, for the jobs you were doing yesterday “aren’t gonna finish themselves.”

…and so on and so forth. Now it is far from me to say whether you enjoy your job or whether you even enjoy your life to any certain degree, but work is going to take up a lot of it. Throughout these periods, from the waking up between Monday and Friday with your head feeling exponentially heavier as the sun comes up to the same mental familiarity of yesterday, as you get up to make that same trade you have been making for longer than most of us even realize. We earn money in our jobs, and the money allows you to buy things, but we aren’t only just making money, we are trading time, trading a part of us.

That’s what i’m stuck thinking about recently. I think a lot of people- myself included, don’t really think when at work, just do. You have the same collection of thoughts everyday, you get up, you go to work, do something remarkably similar to what you did yesterday, go home and eat some food for the primary purpose of not being hungry, watch the next show of the box set you haven’t been really paying attention to anyway and drift on back into the dreams that as the world continues to spin seem so much more inviting.

In terms of thinking, to me, something has been lost. To have a new idea, to create something beautiful, to be something amazing, to be more than your body, a sum of your parts, to truly be a soul that lives with a body rather than the other way around has become almost dream like, which may explain why spending so much longer in a dream has been starting to sound more appealing. Whether it’s been lost in me, or i’m not the only one thinking about this, between everything going on, i have started to wander what we are all working towards, what’s the point of it all, the same consistently dull thinking pattern creating a feeling of remarkable nothing.


What if we changed the game a little?  We are always going to have to do things we don’t want to, for sometimes there is such a thing as a “necessary evil.” However i question that what we do, whether we have to or not, should be able to dictate the way we think, because we become what we think about. So if you think in the same cycle, misery and inevitable failure being a constant fear, a belief that this is the only inevitable result so why should we even try, then surely this would be the result. “We become what we think about,” so what if we lived life not in the cycle the world has us convinced is the key to it all, but what if we found another way.

If you were to go out tomorrow and steal a car (stick with me,) the chances are more than likely you would be chased by the police. At this point, your speed would increase and the idea of being in “control” would be diminished dramatically, for obvious reasons. Take this idea and look at your life in the same way. What if we could live life to the fullest point where something simple has the potential to be truly fucking outstanding, every single time.

Why not kiss someone like you never want to kiss anyone else, hug closer and tighter to the point you never want to let go, fuck like its the last chance you’ll ever get to, love like you will never need to again. No living life to half measures- live like everything is beautiful and appreciate all the brilliance the world and the people in it can offer you. Live your life glad to just be a part of it all and smile, make everything you do not because someone deserves it, or because you deserve it, but because you want to. Don’t force life for this is like guaranteeing disappointment with a side dish of misery. Live your life as you see fit, go to new places, try new food and be mind blown by the ability of music to sway your emotions to cry with both sadness and beautiful joy.  What other people believe is nothing more than that and if they try to poison your brilliance with their cynical ideologies of “reality” then that’s their problem and not yours.

The world is so far from perfect and so are we, but if we can live like we choose to be with people we care about and people we love then maybe, just maybe,  we get to live our lives as close to perfect as those on Instagram and Facebook would have us believe. Forget the daily thought process. The daily thought process doesn’t let you live a fulfilled and beautiful life, all it does is elongate your existence.

Drive life like you stole it, be it a moment in time, a snapshot that was so beautiful it could never be repeated, where you were just happy to be there. Live for that- for life is too short and time is way too fast. Then maybe we can be happy-

Truly fucking beautifully, brilliantly happy.

Yours, with love as always.