Good evening ladies and gentleman

Recently, through a cloud of feeling and perhaps more importantly worrying about aspects of my life, i started to wander if I have, somehow, done something wrong. Have i made a wrong turn somewhere that means my desires, hopes and dreams now seem infinitely further away? If not, then what has led to the creation of this cloud of fear, of doubt? This sensation that everything and everyone that means anything to me are sort of fading, like i have to sit there and watch these beautiful powerful people and brilliant ideas just go. Why do i feel like the world is evolving, leaving me behind?  What causes me to think that everything good as soon as i realize how truly brilliant it is will from then on, only fade into nothing but memories, stories of how good things were?

In modern society, paying attention seems so second rate to how beautiful we think five minutes away would be. Its as if we have a constant need to look five minutes ahead, to see far enough ahead to avoid all the pain, all the misery, to see far enough through all the noise to hope the beauty will still be there when you get there, even if it does seem only five minutes away. we are sort of constantly looking five minutes ahead.

However, i feel like we miss the point of this by trying to see it coming, even though we are completely unaware of this. As you catch up with your mind whose constantly been trying to see whats happening and how you should react, a beautiful emotional fucking spectacular moment you may have been alone to witness, or you may have shared with someone that means so much to you that them being a part of that moment makes it so much more special, is already fading. Everything fades, i admit, but recently, it has started to feel like everything is fading so fast, I’m not really getting the chance to be in the moment, for all of its glory.

This is where the whole “cloud” thing comes in, for the fact that as i have spent longer and longer thinking about everything, why am i thinking like this? What is causing the fearful sensation that everyone who means so much to me eventually and inevitably fading away from me? Through evolution, through moving through their lives and just doing their thing. After a while you start to wander, why should you be in their lives, for sometimes, in moods like this, I feel like I’m not all i can be. You start to wander as you yourself fade away from the person you want to be, what should remain?

For if we continue on this path, regardless of the details of the journey, the result is the same. We end up…alone. The problem is the “stubbornness” we all seem to possess in modern say society, avoiding the problem of attempting acceptance.  We are persistent in trying to predict whats happening, not wanting to be in the right now for the fear of not seeing something in the future, as the brilliance of the present is forever fading away.

What if though, in these predictions, skewed by your beliefs of the world and yourself, you sensed a loss of control in your situation, lost hope, or someone that mattered more than anything to you. This, to me, is truly scary, for to experience loss like that, especially of someone who means so much is destructive, in that it takes you apart to the barest of bones, leaving you so down you may never know what up even means afterwards.

As at that moment, it feels like the pain will never fade.

So you run. Make the cuts, deal with what you hope will minimize the loss and mean the fading process will be cut short, by just tearing at the heart strings, and just avoid dealing with the consequences. We do this for we fear the pain of the real loss, anticipate that it will be so much worse if it was to become a life event in what we have made our emotionally complicated lives. Deluded by fear though, we miss something in trying to avoid the faded moment becoming nothing more than memory flashes of what could have been. Everything is sad when its gone, the way you get there is always only half the story. We fear that as the moments fade, the moments that connected us to the world and the people in our lives that make you feel good, that have your back, that are there to celebrate the good moments and be there through all the bad ones. Its terrifying to think that you will never experience that again, as the person you were in the moment fades into the background noise of modern life. . As much as you may try to convince yourself that being alone isn’t the end of the world, that the noise can be managed to still be something, to be connected on that level can effect everything more than you could possibly imagine.

To open yourself up to this is difficult though, because as the mental cloud grows and grows as you start to feel more and more, resulting in you feeling everything at once, from fear, to anger, to shame, to envy, to desire, to surrender, to even a horrible sense of powerlessness. This is the consequence of trying to deal with this idea of your life fading away, regardless of whether you feel like you can control it or not. Its a terrible sensation, scary and confusing, for one second you feel confident you have made a good move and avoided something, for the next second to be so drowned in pain you end up fearing what might happen next more than any fade will ever make for.

You hope it will pass and the pain will fade by not dealing with it, for if we avoid it, the pain will never get in. The point of it all i think, is not to give yourself hope. For hope, improperly dealt with, can feel like such a punishment. As things fade, hope is critical for continuing in the positive and lifted way we hope to continue living in, even though it can sometimes feel like you are living in the realms of a far distant fantasy. Its as if hope is really important, yet can seem so unfamiliar.

I have wandered about the issue of fading, for to fade away from the realities of modern life can often seem like the key to being more successful. This way you don’t feel alone, don’t have to deal with losing someone and even though you will sometimes feel lost, feel alone and sad at what you haven’t experienced, at least it wont be that painful. To think this will mean you don’t have to be alone, you won’t have to deal with the world makes what pain you have infinitely worse, for it distracts you from everything as you end up feeling so much, it becomes the thought you live for, drowning in the regret of what could have been.

I don’t really understand how we navigate this problem  of fading. I don’t really understand what it is. I think its very easy to become encapsulated by this single thought though, losing all sense of hope, of evolution, of life and love as you end up nothing more than a painting on the wall as the people you love go on living.

How do you deal with this? What is this idea that I sometimes feel as if fading into insignificance will be less painful than the loss itself? What is worse to you?

Yours, in confusion, but with love as always,


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Attempted Acceptance

God evening ladies and gentleman

I have found myself in an almost remarkable state of perpetual motion recently,  feeling like I’ve lost something by standing still. Its as if I’ve been driving through life,  as the wheels spin, the engine is revving louder and louder for you to only spray mud all over your car and not go anywhere. I wander if this is the result of the recent beleaguered and complex thought processes and maybe even overthinking, but this thought of “living forever” and doing all you can to make your mark on the world in the short time you have here made me realize how easy it is to feel small, to feel almost insignificant.

The problem is, when something like this takes residence in your mind, it seeps into everything. All your grand plans, the dreams that you long for and the desires you yearn for. Still, to me, this thought,  this feeling, happens for a reason, through a mood, an idea, a process or a behavior. Its all adding up to something. Its building up, higher and higher into the skies of your mind. Whether you notice it or not, whether its something you do consciously or in the shadows of the mediocrity in your everyday life, you, your life, or someone, is trying to tell you something.

However, this is easier said than really understood, for in modern society we can be very stubborn, even against ourselves. You could ignore this for so long, it could eventually mean you end up “accepting” your situation, even though what you desire couldn’t be further from the life you have resigned yourself to.

But even then, i don’t think this is really “acceptance.” To get to that point in your life when you can see no other way, when the choices have “dried up” and your path is limited to this tiny alleyway, this is not accepting your fate. This is giving up trying, this is losing hope you will ever move forward as you let go of what remains of your drive and accept what you feel is inevitable. As things build up, as we feel things more and more powerfully, as you emotionally respond to thoughts and feelings in a way you never normally would, every part of you is screaming to get your attention, to help you feel good, to feel better in a time you don’t know what’s happening anymore. The question is- should you listen? should i listen?

What are we trying to tell ourselves though? I choose to believe we are trying to understand that what’s happening in our lives, be in relation to people, to our hopes and dreams or the situation you currently find yourself in. Through all this we feel, that a change needs to happen, be it in your life, or in your mind,  because judging by the way you feel something needs to happen. From an emotionless perspective, to have someone,  something in your life that you don’t like, or are scared of, you would simply remove it, like cutting away the mold from your bread or deleting a number from your phone.

Sounds simple, but its anything but simple. The result of not doing anything can lead to you feeling like there’s no point in doing anything, as you lie in bed first thing in the morning waiting for the alarm to go off, wandering how you might achieve anything today, not expecting anything more or less than yesterday or the day before that.

We all want that little victory. The only way we are ever going to do this though, when it feels like there is no other way, is through accepting a change is coming, and welcoming it the best way you can.

Take the example of people. I figured out the other day, for all of the time i spend distant and thinking about all sorts of topics, something remarkably simple, and quite beautiful. You have friends, they come, they go and that is that. To be close to someone though, especially these days, is rare. Rarer still is when you realize that for all someone means to you, to understand that you mean something in whatever capacity to someone who means so much to you, is all the more powerful, because it creates a connection.

The key to it all seems to be, not wanting to accept what we know to be true. Its like we don’t want to accept a truth we know is real and could make us feel so much more than good, so fucking brilliant if we were to just try to accept it for just being outstanding. For if you do this, if you allow yourself that moment, that moment of fleeting clarity that means you feel a certain beautiful moment, or the change you want to bring about in your lifestyle, or more generally an evolution you want to bring out in yourselves. If we do this, the results could be truly revolutionary.

Its the battle you have, as I do within myself everyday, as it builds and builds to the point you can’t ignore the wave of change coming into your life, be it good or bad. The choices become much clearer in this compulsive state of mind.  We can’t keep sitting still, the tiredness you are experiencing is driving you only in faster circles as your mind is trying to tell you something, that you need to take action, for the good of your life and the dreams you work towards. Its always going to be a choice though, to stand in what seems like an endless revolving door without an exit or try to take action, to at least attempting to accept change is happening.

The alternative, this (attempted) acceptance is, to me, so important for the evolution of each of us through life, for  if we at least give this change, this person and this knowledge of life a chance, it could show you all the joy and beauty life could bring, as you live you life in such as way that the beautifully present moments and experiences would make for so much more than you could ever imagine while being sat spinning in the mud.

This fight is the good fight, for it takes you onto that next, much scarier level. To accept something, no matter how much you know it to be true, constitutes it being important and that it matters to you. This is a precious thing not to be messed with or thrown around, for it could destroy everything you are very easily if it wanted to, leaving you lower and falling further than you could ever understand. It terrifies us, to allow people, ideas or experiences to matter i think. To accept something, someone feeling something for you, feeling something for them, a change in your lifestyle, way of thinking, your job, the people in your life, anything. You were always capable of doing this, for as you have become heightened emotionally and physically to everything you experience, your trying to tell yourself to let go and accept whats happening for what it is, as we accept that change is happening and this, while scary, is you living your life.

If we can accept a change, if we can accept something we already know, its almost like a relief, a huge weight off your shoulders. Its like your mind no longer needs to shout, for you’ve started listening.

What do you think of acceptance? Is there something you should accept? What is the difference between accepting a situation, and accepting something you already know?

Yours, with love as always



Life’s Bittersweet Symphony

Good evening ladies and gentleman

I hope that a sort of pattern is forming in the thoughts and feelings i portray across Thinking Evolution. I feel a lot of what we do, think and feel throughout out lives should always be flowing and evolving at all times, for to get stuck, to be settled  in a persistent routine that gives you nothing other than the same familiar feelings, but no sensations at all? Of the beauty and by contrast the misery of life, to me, isn’t really living at all. Its scary, its complex and sometimes running away seems the best option. But its life. The wonderful moments that mean more to you than breathing itself, the terrifying, brilliant, complicated, beautiful, joyous, loving envious, stupid, addictive, life. The feelings these moments create, the forever lasting impact they have on you and on your legacy as you try, in your own way- to “live forever.”

The world is always changing and in a way , so are we. That irritating question some job interviews ask- “where do you think you will be in five years?” I have always wondered how people answer this question, for to me it seems impossible to answer, because it something you should never know. The people you could meet, the experiences you could have, the places you go, the food you eat, the moments you share will have a lasting impact on you, good or bad, causing an evolution in you that will mean you never return to that way of thinking.

I have considered many forms of thoughts, choices, all accumulating to your own “Thinking Evolution” of sorts. However, the way i write and the way we execute these thoughts and feelings in modern life throughout the strangeness of modern society seems a bit of a minefield all by itself. For emotions, in their infinite unpredictability in how they effect us  and how they cause us to respond to certain situations cannot be predicted, molded or pushed into a particular direction, a direction that we hope, or maybe expect to produce this positive evolution.

Furthermore, there is another, potentially destructive result of these changes. Hope. Now, i’m not saying and i never will assume that hope is a bad thing for a lot of the time its one of the few things keeping you up and flowing through life at a level that, to you at least, gives you everything you want from life. Even though its capable of a more emotionally draining result. Hope can give you a taste of how brilliant things can be, when you believe. Belief is power, giving you the means to make you capable of so much more, of being worthy of these moments, of people you love so dam much- there are few other sensations like it.  Then as you feel it,  almost getting a sense for it, the way it feels, the way it effects you, as soon as you become happy with it being in your life, its gone. I guess in a way, this is the bittersweet symphony of life i like to think we have all experienced.

I can talk, i can shout, i can hope, i can think, write, anything about how you, I or anyone can be a part of an evolution in a particular way. I can believe that if I were to experience something so profound, to feel something so powerful it changes perspectives or the way we think and feel about life, it could make me “happier.” Even privileged to be part of that moment as i move forward with this new knowledge of the world and myself. Then through this continue living in a way that is “mine.” To ignore the emotional response to the loss of something amazing, that emotionally draining sensation,  to go from feeling so much of the brilliance and wander for all that life can be, to having so little motivation for life you can’t get out of bed in the morning for the pain you have caused yourself, through whatever happened. To ignore that? Well, that would be stupid.

You had something, it was beautiful. There is no such thing as perfect, but in that moment, during that experience, it really did feel perfect. Then, life, being life, got in the way. It went wrong, you natural planning, your expectations, beliefs of what was going to happen didn’t go that way. Life sent you down a curveball that came round and smacked you in the face. Whatever happened, your immediate jump is to what you screwed up, to try and understand what caused you to go from having what felt like such a win,  to feeling so low, to your mind being infected with such pain and anguish as the very thoughts and feelings you loved, that motivated you to carry on with life is now causing nothing but misery.

I suppose this is the point. You find yourself pushing the world away, assuming the loss of people is uninteresting, telling yourself, again, again and again “it didn’t really matter anyway,” for if something doesn’t matter, it can’t really hurt. Even as you push the world away, its impossible to ignore how much it once made you feel, for it remains so beautiful, yet so tear jerking too. The bittersweet experiences that are capable of making us feel so much, in both a positive and negative way are by far the hardest to live with, to me. Its difficult, because all that remains is a memory. 2 memories, strictly speaking, forever battling against each other, battling for dominance, for power over your thinking evolution and the direction it will go in.

You have the beauty of the memory, and the misery of what happened once the moment had passed as it faded and things turned to dust. Something changed in you, something changed in the world that meant you couldn’t find that feeling again, like someone had switched off the lights and you had dropped your glasses on the floor, leaving you flailing around on the ground endlessly pressing and grabbing at what seemed like just air in the expanse of black, dense, blurry darkness.

As i said before, hope is incredibly powerful, in both a positive and negative way, something that to me, as the days pass, can become more and more profound in the emotional response it creates. To me, this is more than “bad,” this is more than feeling sad, feeling miserable or alone. This bittersweet sensation is confusing, because the way you think, they way you feel, is always changing.  The best way i can think to explain the effect of the “bittersweet symphony” is through the idea of being alone.

You are on your own. You’re not really that bothered by it, busy living, grinding, achieving,  believing in yourself and the desires that drive you through life, experiencing beautiful moments and being proud to just be a part of life. By all intensive purposes, you are alone and that’s OK, your working on you.

However, you meet someone, and they make you feel so much more than you ever thought possible. I’ve been trying to understand what this feeling is for years with no luck, only really seeing it as hope being “victorious.” Then, as quickly as you felt so much, its gone. That person who was there and meant more to you than you believed any one person could, ends up nothing more than a painfully beautiful memory. You were once alone and now, you are lonely.

This effect on your thinking that these emotional experiences give you is, to me, the powerful effect of life’s bittersweet symphony.

Yours, typically confused but with love as always.


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Creating a Legacy

Good evening ladies and gentleman

So we have been considering the issues and ideas behind living forever and being “bigger than your inevitable end” for sometime now. I got to thinking- what is this mark? I’ve talked about this random unique characteristic for months, but what does it actually mean?

Not so long ago, I  found a competition which was looking at the complex nature of the often rather drastic connotations of a “legacy.” I entered, not really expecting much. Its a shame i didn’t win, but it does mean i can share this with you, it would be wrong to waste it. I also like to think it ties in to what we have been talking about recently.

All these thoughts and ideas of how we make that mark on the world, that difference that proves we were here and that we tried to moved the world forward in someone, leaving a “legacy” of some form.

Yours, with love as always.


A Better Place

Modern society is, for all its strange characteristics, a remarkable place. The technological revolution we are all a part of striving to make the world more connected, safer, to solve problems that would have once upon a time been impossible to understand and to limit the fears and phobias that we all in our own way experience. Be it water, spiders, clowns or the fear of long words, I believe that everyone, in some point in their lives has experienced fear in some way.

This naturally fearful mentality, in my opinion, has created another, scarier, different sort of fear entirely. That fear that no technological advancement or grand idea will take you away from.

Everything ends, even life itself. This fundamental fear of death I have always assumed drives people to jump to that higher position, reach just a little further to the ledge they always thought was just out of reach, to climb that bigger mountain to get so much closer to achieving all they can in life, before we all run out of time.

To me, this fear of death is the major glitch in the programming of modern life because this ending, in 2017 anyway, is inevitable. We are all going to be pushing up roses eventually. So why should we fear it? It seems a brilliant waste of thoughts and feelings, where we could be busy hustling, dreaming…living in our own unique way.

So, if not death, where does this fear come from? The world being the commercial giant it has become, it can seem like genuine connections with people and your artistry have become second rate to a shiny watch, huge house and endless money to buy things you don’t really need. I think we feel we should be a part of this, as we are told this is what makes us “known” and then are remembered because of it. This where the ultimate fear comes from. We do not fear death, we fear being forgotten. We fear not having a legacy.

Much like the materialism of the modern world, we tend to want the best “thing,” the shiniest “style,” the model partner because that would make you look so good. It is another form of the forever strange “peacock effect.” Even after we are dead I feel like we are still trying to make a point and have such a dramatic impact on as many people as we can. Even as far back as Ancient Egypt the Pharaohs would build such grand statues as a memorial to themselves, to solidify their legacy. In a modern world full of excess, how much of legacy is this? Really being remembered….for being the biggest “peacock?”

The things you have are just things. You change cars every few years and that change in your life comes with it is supposed to give us some feeling of progress, as if you get a new car and that’s it, as that part of your life, owning that car becomes nothing more than a collection of images on Instagram. You hope this will give you  feeling like you have dramatically progressed in life, but to then realize all you have done is made a slight modification and nothing has really changed.

In the pursuit of that new car, as we work so hard on cementing that legacy you imagine will be such a fundamental part of the world when you no longer are, we can so easily lose focus on right now, never really giving the present moment a second glance. It’s as if we are spending our whole lives worrying what people are thinking, in order to control what people think of us even after we pushing up daises and at that point I highly doubt we will be able to do anything to change their minds.

I wonder about legacy, this idea that “you are your legacy” and “people will remember you.” You and I are two of billions of people on this planet, why would people ever remember you? Throughout whatever sort of life span you have, whether you live to 18 or 80, you as a human being are insignificant. It’s what you do that matters, the way you think, feel, behave, love, act towards others, do good things, help others, provide joy, happiness, console those who are down and bring them back up so much higher again. People make us who we are and beyond the dreary constraints of being a human being, it’s up to us to decide who we want to be.

You are the author of your own fate and it’s up to you, not the ideology of society or a focus group to decide how you live your life and more importantly how you want to be remembered. The truth is it doesn’t matter if you’re remembered by 10 people or 10 million people, it’s what you do that matters, the impact you have on the way people live their lives. Take this example, from completely opposite ends of the spectrum.

One of my favorite songs of all time is “Life on Mars” by the late David Bowie. His commentary on this idea of necessary “escape” from modern society as it was back then is remarkable and even in 2017 can often make sense. So this song, as well as many others from many different artists, is still having an impact today, in that it brings to our attention that the ease to “escape” means, to me, there might just something wrong in the way we are going about things.

In contrast, even after 22 years of knowing the man, my father still continues adding to his legacy. In a weird sort of way, my brothers, sister and I are his legacy. I have learnt so much of life from my parents, spoken to them at length, my family bringing such joy to my life, a piercing light when at times there was nothing but darkness. To this day I am still learning from my father, a man infinitely more experienced in life than I ever will be, and one day I will take those lessons and respect he has taught me and pass them to someone who will being able to take meaning from them like I have.

Legacy can be anything, it can be to have a positive effect on our world or even wind up having more of a negative impact on the world, but our actions are never forgotten. We are not remembered for who we are, but for what we do. I choose to believe we go out to create a legacy in a good way, for a meaningful purpose. The impact seems the most important thing, the number of people who notice you will only fade as time passes. If you can have a positive impact on someone’s life, in some small way, you have achieved some form of success in life.

You made the world a better place, be it for a few people, or for millions.

In the end, I don’t think it matters either way.

Yours, with love as always.


Random inspiration

Little Victories

Good evening ladies and gentleman

Over the last few months, i have thrown around ideas about all manner of things, making often increasingly elaborate points about the never ending complexity of your mind, the people around us and the forever changing society we live in. In our most basic form, i have always believed we are goal orientated in nature. Now i admit just writing that like its nothing is a little simplistic in its explanation of all behavior, so if you remove “goal” from the phrase and instead replace it with the word “dream.” To occur in “dream orientated” behaviors changes things dramatically and is where our latest little mental adventure comes to fruition.

I like to think we all have dreams, ideals of a bigger future than the current situation you find yourself residing in. Whether you are happy, miserable or indifferent of what is going on in your present, you always need to keep moving, that’s a good thing when combined with a healthy respect of where you’ve come from and forever where you are in this present moment. What of the higher dream though? Beyond dreaming one day to own a fancy car or a big house, what is the difference to you, to doing “good” and reaching that next level- and then the one beyond that? These are the dreams that i think always seem confusing in that these are the the ideals that seemed more consigned to the darkest depths of your imagination- rather than the realms of reality.

The details always seem so perfectly placed as you imagine this ideal and strive towards it everyday. Although this potentially brilliant effect of your dreams and the journey you go on to get them can feel so long. There are times when everything you have ever hoped for, everything you have ever dreamed off can seem so far away, as you work so hard for it, grafting day in, day out. Even in the relationships we forge, i think its very easy to become emotionally distant, for the fear of “feeling” is so powerful, the idea of not knowing which way this game of life is going to go that while its far from what we want, far from what we consider being “happy,” it seems a “necessary evil.” Everything seems so far away these days, to the point where it can be hard to stay motivated to keep going, to keep trying, because all of the hard work, all of the dedication “doesn’t seem to be doing anything.”

I have, more often than i would like to remember had this idea cross into my current frame of thinking, for being distant, while no way to live, means disappointment, pain and the intense way of negative thoughts and feelings never even get the chance to flow, like a virus that every time i get infected becomes stronger and every time it can get harder to find the cure.

I noticed a pattern in these thought processes though, in particular during the times when i was experiencing the urge to be as far away from things that matter to me as possible. Its when things felt so far away when I feel “stuck” in an endless cycle of repetitive and dreary behavior dragging my belief in life and love down into questioning the nature of everything i believe. I would find a strange comfort in this though, as i could avoid the anxiety that comes with the thoughts of never being good enough, clever enough, nice enough, sweet enough, caring enough or loving enough to achieve “overall victory.” When you feel like everything and everyone is so far away, it can become very easy to become convinced about that the distance is all you need to be happy and fulfilled, even though this is far from the reality of the situation.

How do we go about maintaining motivation then? How do we keep driving ourselves toward that ideal, towards the end of the “quest,” to whatever dream you wake up to, the dream you always have on your mind. To that eventual end where the curiosities and changes going on in your life could bring about your Thinking Evolution, that could bring you up to that higher level in life, that version of yourself you have believed for so long will remain forever dormant in the deepest darkest depths of your imagination.

Cut down the distance. I think realizing how far away things and people seem can be an incredibly intense, scary thing to experience, meaning we want to almost disappear, to revert to type and not worry about “putting yourself out there.” If this problematic “distance” is cut down dramatically then its not quite as daunting, in that we can be happy for the victory we have experienced in this present moment of brilliance, as life, love and perhaps most importantly you, have dropped onto this opportunity. Now there are two things we can do with this chance encounter, this brush with the way we want life to be. You could watch it happen, going on living in mental comfort but without any progress towards your dreams and ideals for fear of not being able to control how you feel, or embrace it.

Take a random thought i had driving around this afternoon. I imagined myself sat on a remarkably picturesque beach with the tide coming in,  as the sun slowly dipped by the horizon with the sky bathed in the deep orange glow, with the waves crashing softly against the cliffs and lapping around the edges of a beautiful classic grand piano. I find myself wandering up to the piano, water and sand flowing between my toes and as the glow of the evening fell away to the inky blue darkness of the night, the stars shining brightly as my date with the moon drew on and i would play. Its quite a nice image to have, because i feel like this would be a remarkable experience.

I should probably point out, i cannot play piano. I can just about string a scale together frankly. To sit here and think only of this is daunting, for on its own it feels like it may never happen. Yet, a small victory towards this bigger ideal and making this, admittedly strange dream a reality, would be to get lessons in how to play. This puts me on the ladder towards the top where my beach dream lives. While admittedly a strange example, but taking steps to becoming the person you want to be should be treated as meaningfully as the final victory itself.

This way the moments in your life that can sometimes seem so fleeting can fill you with such joy as fiery passions are set alight and another incredibly wonderful part of your life begins. For every victory is important, no matter how small. The small victories helping towards the bigger victories should in a way make them mean even more to you, as a sign of progress, that your time and effort is going to a good place. As more and more victories come, more moments of beautiful wander occur in your life and you become more and more of that person you imagine yourself to be, with the lifestyle you imagine yourself to be, resulting in something remarkable. Living.

Surely, any victory, no matter how small, should be worth that.

Yours, with love as always.

Random inspiration

How to Live Forever

Good afternoon ladies and gentleman

After our initial venture into the idea of never ending life, where we spend our lives living in fear of how an ending will make you feel,  considering the crushing disappointment it didn’t go how you hoped it would, the way it felt was nowhere near as beautifully brilliant as you imagined it would be or just for the fact an almost perfect moment in your life is over and you feel almost lost as a result. Even in the ultimate end something is always lost. be it your end or someone you are close to. What it can mean though is we find motivation not to start, for the inevitable result, no matter what happens on the journey is an ending, and everything is sad when its over.

Yet to find a way of avoiding this feeling and have never ending life, there will only ever be one result, a seemably inevitable conclusion that life feels so empty. Why? For anything with any meaning,  something that can stir your soul to its very core  simply becomes meaningless, as time becomes so relative to you lifetimes become fleeting and moments only seem notable for their end, which no matter how many times you experience the brilliant nature of them are always tainted in the fact they will always end. To avoid an ending, on any scale, is to live in the constant cycle of the ending.

So, how do we live forever then and not be left in this cycle? Well, first things first in 2017 nobody is immortal and endings are always going to be an inevitable part of our existence. regardless of how you think and feel about them.  I feel like its easy to feel as if your fading into nothing but the sadness, madness and loss that endings are so often mired in, for we are so full of emotion, its like we are blind to everything and anything else.

So-  i was wandering. What if we look at it differently? What if it was an inevitable end, a crushing loss, as the bitter cold of winter starts to fall away and spring has sprung, that was in fact the beginning of something bigger and better, something so much more?

This is where we, the people are so more fucking amazing than we so often think we are. We are so incredibly powerful, as a unit, as a partnership and even when your totally alone, for the mental power you have is to me, the key to how you live forever. You are unique, as am I, as is the person you are sat near, or even every person on your Instagram. These thoughts, ideas and feelings are yours, and this is the key to life itself, more so than the flashy cars, creaky mansions, how much money you earn and how many partners you had will ever mean.  You are so flushed with emotion during an ending it can be hard to see, but what if there was another way, what if there was a different route to “happiness” away from what the world, that may make for a more powerful life than we could ever imagine for ourselves?

I was reminded of a famous line of a movie from twelve years ago when contemplating the idea of “living forever.” In “V for Vendetta” the main character in one of the final scenes grabs the bad guy, Mr Creedy, and whispers very calmly the following sentence:-

“Beneath this mask there is more than flesh, beneath this mask there is an idea Mr Creedy and ideas are bulletproof”

This, to me, is how we live forever. Your body will breakdown, maybe when your 2 years old, maybe when your 102 years old. The action, this “ultimate end” is inevitable. Who you are though, the thoughts your portray to the world, the feelings you create in people- love, hate, envy, lust. The ideas you have, the things you create, to act upon them is to feed the world with everything you are. We are powerful to make such a mark on the world, to see that there is something that we can do to right a wrong or move the world forward in such a way that means it never wants to  look back.

Through this scale becomes truly meaningless, for the effect in your eyes is all that matters. You might have the next brilliant idea for the new Facebook, or it could be about be about being connected to someone on such a deep fundamental level, the point is, if we are able to get out there and make that mark, we become so much more than our ultimate end, so much more than a person trying to just “deal with”  living in modern society. We become brilliant, wonderfully minded, eccentric, forward thinking, mindful, intelligently beautiful human beings. We are our own revolution, our own evolution. As V said- “Ideas are bulletproof.” You may not be immortal, but your thoughts, feelings and ideas of the world can be anything you want them to be.

This idea, this mindful choice, to see your ideas and feelings as being surrounded by an impenetrable fortress that cannot be conquered, for they are yours, is remarkably appropriate, if not for anything else it makes you want them so much more, to work so much harder to get and be everything you want in life. This is you and the way you think in its most brilliant way. Beyond living forever and avoiding endings, just being in this moments that meant so much will have an ever lasting effect on you, leaving such a profound impact on your mental composition. Allowing the mental orchestra of your life to be modified just a little so it can evolve to heights bigger than we could ever believe is surely a lot of what life, love and everything in between is all about.

 Will it be scary? Dam right, if you ever wandered if thinking, feeling or doing something was is truly worth the effort, see if it scares you. That fear is your drive, to new beginnings on the journey to everything you imagine life could be, given the chance.

Ideas, thoughts and feelings never really die. Be it our ultimate end, or the fear throughout life of the inevitable endings you and I will have to experience at times in our lives, its how we see them that is the key. We can sit, defeated, deflated and clinging to the sadness, misery and depression of the end, for something beautiful has been lost, and “that’s life” i suppose. That is so much more than “this is life” and that’s it, for this moment is simply the start of it. You had something utterly beautiful and it ended, but through this, something else is beginning. If we embrace it, these ideas, thoughts and feelings that define us, that i guess in a way make up your “soul,”then in our own way, we really can live forever.

Wouldn’t that be something.

Yours, with love as always.

Random inspiration.

Little extra- Clip from “V for Vendetta”